Body Vs Race
Body Vs Race

Why is it that the gay community considers very young and bone-thin Gay White Men Abercrombie and Fitch? But Gay Asians with a similar body type are undesirable and worthless?

In America, gay men have an attraction to white European-type men EXCLUSIVELY. Ironically, those Euro guys are far more receptive to different races, while their American counterparts are not. That is because, in Europe, people are far more open-minded to different cultures and ethnicities. It is a diverse cultural upbringing and mindset, as you see many interracial couples on the street. But the American culture is solely focused on Caucasians. You see it on TV, in print ads, in magazines, and in movies. Just about everywhere you see any media images. So gay men in America are brought up with the subliminal message and propaganda that white is the only desirable race.

Add to that, the majority of gay men are obsessed with their bodies. Being toned and muscular is every gay man’s ticket to acceptance in the mainstream, bar-hopping, bathhouse-going, coke-snorting, Cher-loving gay community. Once you are buff, you are part of the “In-Crowd.” Unsurprisingly, many gay men run to the gym in droves, hoping to be more marketable in the gay community. An increasing number of these men are Asians. These are the Gay Asian Men who refuse to give up hope – convincing themselves that Gay White Men are their saviors. Again, it is that deep insecurity that so many Gay Asian Men carry with them. Gay Asian Men hope to feel the acceptance they crave so desperately from the gay community by hooking up with a Gay White Man. If we, as Gay Asian Men, cannot control the gay community’s racism, the only other option is to manage our appearance. Gay Asian Men continually fight the petite, submissive, and gentle stereotypes. In short, a bottom. But does an Asian man redefining his body help? Put it this way. How many muscular Asian men do you see at a white party? It is pretty transparent why this event is called a “white party” since only white guys are allowed admittance!

Gay Asian Men stay at the bottom of the totem pole no matter how they change their bodies. The reason is that Gay Asian Men have neither the shape nor facial features of Caucasians, so few white men appreciate the beauty of an Asian body. The gay community telegraphs that Caucasians want to stick with fellow Caucasians. Latino, Hispanic, Native American, and South Asian men are higher on the Gay White Male food chain. South Asian men’s racial makeup comes from India, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Bhutan, Bangladesh, Nepal, and the Maldives. That group has a solid Caucasian body type and facial features. Almost like they are Caucasian, but their body has been dyed differently. So those men are considered exotic or multi-racial Caucasian men. It astounds me how white guys proclaim they are not racist when dating or hooking up. They point out that they date and sleep with South Asian guys. But these guys are Caucasian! Even on some gay hook-up sites, under the heading “Looking For,” many guys check off the following boxes: African-American, Hispanic, Multi-Racial, Other, and White. At the same time, the box with the heading “Asian” is unchecked. Don’t believe me? Next time you are on a gay hook-up site, take a look. About 80% of the guys have checked off every race except Asians. Some even write, “No Asians, Please.”

Many Gay Asian Males refuse to accept their low standing in the gay community. Convincing themselves if they buff up, white guys will embrace them. So you have Gay Asian Men working their bodies hard and eating almost nothing to achieve a physique considered perfection in the gay white community. You see so many Gay Asian Men at the gym religiously, hoping to emulate the white man’s body, thus gaining acceptance. But even after Gay Asian Men achieve the perfect body, we still do not get any respect from Gay White Men. It blows my mind when I continually see white guys at the baths hooking up with fellow white men who are overweight, average-looking, and even with significant acne problems – while ignoring good-looking, toned Gay Asian Men simply because they are a different race. At the gay baths, these mediocre overweight gay men will chase after other white guys out of their league. Rather than hook up with a good-looking Asian. Or they will hook up with men who are of the same race. There are these muscular Gay Asian Men at the baths, standing around and not even getting noticed! So what I am concluding is that Gay White Men are not body-obsessed but somewhat obsessed with fellow Caucasian men. I know of one very muscular Asian guy that tells me:

“In that sense, I think it doesn’t hurt that I have a nicer-than-average body in terms of “them” liking me. But, I feel that many young non-rice-queen White gays are so preoccupied with the category of Asian.”

The idea of “Asian men = small (penis) = not sexy = undesirable = undoable = don’t want to be seen with an Asian guy” is how I look, an Asian individual, which makes no difference. Since they can’t see beyond the category, being buff is not even noticeable to them.”

Gay Asian Men who do not work out get divided into two body types: Bone-thin or pleasantly plump. However, many Gay White Men fall into the same body type. Those Gay White Men do not have any problems finding companionship at the baths, while Gay Asian Men with the same body type get ignored. For instance, I see plenty of bone-thin anorexic-looking white guys who do not have problems finding sex at the baths. These guys are considered Abercrombie & Fitch types. At the same time, many Gay Asian Men with the same body type are not on the same wavelength. A toned, muscular Gay ASIAN Male will face more discrimination in the gay community than any overweight Gay WHITE Male. I see very little difference between the gym and the baths regarding the politics and culture between gay men. Suppose you are too intimidated to go to a bathhouse but want to experience what the baths are like. Go to your nearest gym. It is precisely the same. All of the Gay White Men stick together, talk together, and work out together. None of the Gay White Men even bothers with, speak to, or look at any Gay Asian Men. Those Gay White Men are friendlier to white men over sixty than a Gay Asian Male the same age!

That is my conclusion. If a gay man desperately wants to get off at the baths and has to choose between a perfect body and a guy’s race. Ethnicity will win out every time. The proof of this is the bathhouse I attend. I see many good-looking, toned, muscular Asian men all standing around, waiting for someone to notice them. Simultaneously, many white patrons (regardless of age or body type) get laid in record numbers. Once, at the baths, I overheard this guy say, “Why are all the Asians here? Why don’t they all go to the bathhouse for Rice Queens?” Think that was an isolated incident? I do not have to remind you of the story I told in Rice Queens (passed over for a mentally disabled person because he was white).

You may think, “Okay, maybe I am targeting guys that just have certain fetishes.” Try this story on for size. Once, I saw a guy in his thirties who was an average-looking gay yuppie. He was walking around, ignoring every Gay Asian with a similar or better body than him. Then this young overweight guy showed up. The two promptly went to a room where they hooked up. I could overhear the moans and the groans, and the shoutouts. You may think, “Maybe the gay yuppie is a chubby chaser.” I could accept that because you do not choose attraction. But two hours later, he was hitting on a bony, rail-thin forty-year-old. What did all these men have in common? You guessed it; they were all white. That is not an isolated incident.

Orgies and private sex parties have always fascinated me. For years I’ve tried to get invited to one. I registered on a gay hook-up site that featured such parties. However, the various hosts would reject me out of hand. Sometimes I would notice a party hardly had any participants registered. I would sign up a few days before and still get rejected. One guy had only three guys signed up for his party, and I was turned down. His profile said he was interested in African-American, Hispanic, Multi-Racial, Other, and White. But he didn’t check off the box that said ‘Asian.’

One Asian guy told me his only experience at a gay sex party. He was nervous but went because he always wanted to go to one. The host billed the party as ‘Real Sex for Real Men.’ Meaning it didn’t matter how you looked; everyone was welcome. Well, the party turned out to be a disappointment. There were average guys, but nobody wanted to be with him, the only Asian. Men of all shapes and sizes avoided him like he had the plague. During a break, all the guys were standing there, unsure what to do next, as he was the only one who didn’t get touched. It was like he was invisible. Worse, some guys seemed nervous and avoided eye contact with him.

Other guys in worse shape than my friend got tons of action. I mentioned earlier that South Asian men have Caucasian features and are considered Caucasian in the gay community. There were three South Asian guys at the party, and they had no problems getting attention. My friend felt that one South Asian guy was in worse shape than him. But the South Asians had no issues getting action, including kissing many guys. When my friend tried to kiss the same guys, they would turn their faces, so my friend kissed their cheek.

Others have written to me who have observed this body vs. race issue. This reader from Vancouver, Canada, wrote to me saying;

“I have some Asian friends who are no more than that to me (one in particular) who are good-looking, and when they visit the tubs, they often don’t find what they want. It mystifies me that sometimes the blondes they like would pick me over them (I’m just average and don’t like blondes at all, although I do like dark-haired Caucasians and Hispanics.) The entire arrangement seems like a frustrating merry-go-round.”

Try this other story for size. The other day I was in the whirlpool, and three guys kept walking back and forth impatiently. The minute I got out of the pool, all three guys immediately jumped into the pool. I even overheard one of the guys say, “At last,” with a sigh. It does not take a genius to figure out that they were waiting for me to exit before they got in. These three guys were of different generations. One was in his twenties, one in his thirties, and the other in his fifties.

Because Gay Asian Men have a reputation for desperately chasing after white guys, we are all lumped together in the eyes of many Gay White Men. Those three white guys probably thought I would hit on them, so they stayed away. Would they have had a problem with me being in the whirlpool if I was white? No, and I don’t doubt that for a second. This type of incident happened when I walked into the orgy room, the porn room, or the shower area. The white guys immediately get up and leave the room when I enter. I’ve even had the opposite happen, where I would leave an empty area. Upon exiting, white guys would immediately fill up the room. I feel like saying something, but what’s the point?

But then, on the flip side, you have Rice Queens who love Asian Men. So why not just hang out at the Gay Asian Bathhouse and chase Rice Queens? Well, because Rice Queens have their body standards as well. They want a bone-thin Asian man, almost anorexic looking. The thinner the Asians can be, the more desirable they are to Rice Queens.

The majority of Rice Queens (not all) identify as bisexual. Their attraction to Gay Asian Men stems from their interest in women. They want it both ways, the softness and feminine qualities of a body, along with their masculine plumbing. You get the idea if you think of Gay Men who are attracted to a trans person. Whenever I go to the bathhouse for Asian men, I cannot tell you how many good-looking white guys are together with a bone-thin Asian man, which leaves hard, muscular or stocky, somewhat overweight Asian guys twiddling their thumbs. If an athletic or somewhat stocky man were white, they would have no problems attracting a guy at the baths. But if they are Asian, they might as well stay home. Even Rice Queens would ignore them, making it seem that Rice Queens view Asian Men as a fetish.

I recently received this letter from a 31-year-old Gay Asian Male from Brooklyn. It sums up this entire essay.

I am very American, with a decidedly American build, and I get my share of good-looking men my age of all races. But if I were of similar looks to a Caucasian, I would be irresistible and have more men interested in me. I sound a little vain, but that is my point. I am always fearful that someone will reject me for being Asian.

I don’t need them, but I want to pick a fight with them. I want to challenge the thinking and do some soul-searching about why they do not desire a hot Asian guy. Sometimes, I want to charm them and make them desire me, only to have the power to leave them hanging. That is my issue.

The fact is, I know a hot guy when I see one. I’ve had long-term relationships with white, Latinos, and Asians — the longest being with an Asian for six years. I have been with Black men, but not in long-term relationships. But I am certainly open to having one with black men. I think my open-mindedness comes from a love for myself and my refusal to settle for anything less.

Life is not easy for Asian Males (both straight and gay). We must demand positive and diverse depictions of Asians from all walks of life. Asian men are often depicted as sexually undesirable nerds, geeks, and freaks. Until this stereotypical image is eradicated, I fear we will always be considered sexually undesirable. It’s very tiring.

So in terms of the body vs. race issue, race seems to matter far more to white guys, no matter how toned or muscular a visible minority is. In my opinion, gay men aren’t body-obsessed or even look-obsessed. It is a subliminal race obsession. Sigh? Why can’t gay men be more superficial and concerned about their bodies? (Just kidding!) But on a serious note, we are all minorities within minorities within minorities. If we cannot treat ourselves with dignity and respect, how can we expect the straight homophobic community to treat us any better? It’s a tricky question, and I wish I had the answer.

Gay, Asian, Caucasian, Interracial, Racism, Sexual Politics, Grindr, Male, Men, Discrimination, Sexual Preference, White

Own this story and other sex racism stories by going to Amazon NOW and buying this book!

Gay, Asian, Caucasian, Interracial, Racism, Sexual Politics, Grindr, Male, Men, Discrimination, Sexual Preference, White

Read stories of other sex racism tales by going to Amazon NOW and buying this book.

You might also like:

Whites Preferred
Gay White Men defending their right to sleep with their own race.

Rice Queens
How Gay Asians interact with one another, especially in a bathhouse.

GWM & GAM Speak Out!
Readers respond with their own opinions about racism in the gay community

Racism or Preference?
If guys aren’t attracted to Asians, is it racist or a preference?.

The Truth About Gay Asians
Article on the lack of interest that white men have in Asian men, and of how even Asian men shun each other

Boiling Rice
Essay about Gay Asians confronting widespread prejudice in the nightclub scene.

97 thoughts on “Body Vs Race”

  1. I am a older white man bi-curious, & I would prefer thin Asian male guys. they seem very sexually attractive

  2. A lot of white guys have a dislike for the uncut, and I have been told by a few non-whites, they much prefer a cut dick.

    It’s possible, Asians and Latino get profiled in this manner.

    The strong self-esteem issue you mention must come from the home. Start your search for answers there.

    1. Your comments have a very strange pattern. You’re just another one of those excessively opinionated White North Americans who has no business commenting on race. And save your excuse how one of your best friends is Vietnamese Americans. You people are so much like those Bogan Australians

  3. Wow! Reading this more than 15 years later (based on the first posted comment) I’m saddened to see that not much has changed. I served with MEN for almost 30 years. American MEN of all ethnic origins and races. Do I have a preference? Sure – I think we all do. But so I have an exclusion, HELL NO! Sexy, hot men come in all colors. Yes, I married a man taller than I am (he’s 6’6″ and I’m 6’4″). Yes, I married a man hairier than I am (he’s not wookie-hairy, but while I’m fuzzy blond from head to toe, he’s thick, dark-furred from head to toe). And yes, I married a man of my own race/ethnicity. But I’ve been a slut all my life before I met him, and I found black men, many types of asians, hispanics, native Americans and Eskimos and even Slavs (okay, I’m laughing at that one) attractive.

    I’ve always had trouble with the “I wouldn’t do a(n) _______” things I hear. I don’t get it. And I’ve observed what you write about and just shake my head. I have friends who are single and don’t want to be and wouldn’t have to be but they won’t accept someone who doesn’t fit their “mold” who’s crazy about them, whom they fuck regularly and even like a lot but just won’t. Weird.

    I also get the acceptance part about family or friends that was noted in the most recent comment in great detail. I will say this: I was once involved with a black guy, and I took him home with me on leave. Maybe I’m of the lucky few, or maybe I’m just a dumb jarhead, but I couldn’t wait for my mom and brothers to meet him, and I didn’t have a single thought about them not accepting him because he wasn’t lily white like us. And that was 30 years ago in what I now know was a very white town. Again, maybe I was just lucky – or stupid.

    My 25 year old stepson has an Asian boyfriend right now, and my husband and I think they’re an awesome couple and Jayson is a great guy. In fact, when we met Jayson’s parents – and they’re like a foot shorter than we are – my husband said afterward, “I totally forgot that Jayson was Japanese. When he said his parents emigrated here, my first thought was,’Oh, my grandparents came her from Europe,too.'” I wish people would remember that we’re HUMAN BEINGS first, and our ethnicity or race is more like our hair color or being left-handed.

  4. Hello. Good article, but I agree with most of the comments that have been posted that while some of your viewpoints may be valid, how you’re handling it is not very healthy, and you’re sample size is not very representative of the real world.

    One other point you made that made me chuckle is your claim “It seems to me that that GAM is at the bottom of the totem pole no matter what our bodies looks like.” My best friend, who is Vietnamese, and I have this debate all the time (I am a GBM). I usually say that black men are on the “lowest of the totem pole” because, as one commenter pointed out, there is the issue of the family not approving just because of my skin color. Also, at least in the US, there is a much more tumultuous historical relationship with whites and blacks, and both sides already bring in so many prejudices which is not healthy.

    Your basis and hence this article seems to be from a purely physical and lustful standpoint so it begs the question that would you want to be with someone who would be so shallow anyway (I mean all of our looks can change for the good or bad in an instant)? A few weeks ago I was at a bar in a small southern town, where race is still an issue, and this young black kid who frequents the bar scene (I think he was about 25, but a little overweight) was upset that his friend, who is white, balding, on the scrawny side, in his mid or late 30s, and who rarely goes out had a much better chance of hooking up with someone than he did. What I told him is that he needed confidence and self-assurance and need to develop a big “f*** you if you don’t like me” attitude. That night, I had a great time with the white friend because we had a conversation about other worldly things and not race, and we danced almost the entire night, and he told me that I probably have no problem picking up other guys of all races because I am confident. He’s right, I’m in my late 30s but intelligence and confidence go a long way. He also mentioned that he mostly sticks with white guys, but he was definitely attracted to me that night.

    I already know that not everybody is going to like me or be attracted to me, and vice-versa, and I know there are going to be haters that just hate. I think you need to understand that is reality but don’t let it get to you because you run he dangers of making some very false blanket statements like you have in this article. Please concentrate on finding someone who likes you for you and you doing the same (regardless of race, but just make sure you’re attracted to the person physically as well), instead of who’s lusting after you.

    Take care!

  5. Great article but it was really disturbing because it was the truth but more so the way you’re dealing with it.

    You’re LOOKING for acceptance; you’re looking to be desired. We are all-human and want to be wanted. And when people turn down that generosity, it really hurts.

    HOWEVER, the way you are dealing with it is not healthy. You’re getting angry & now comparing yourself to others, seeing where you rank.

    You need to grow up and stop seeking approval from others. Being sexy starts on the inside & shows on your outside. If you truly have a lot of sexual gifts to give, then go find someone who respects & appreciates it!

    Going to a bathhouse is just a meat market where we can make our fantasies come true. Go out and FIND that person or people who want GAM and you will feel so damn hot as you are.


  6. Great articles you have here. I may be being the typical naive white man so I do apologize in advance. I don’t see race as an issue at all, at least not with me. I’m 30yo 6’2 blonde hair blue eyed guy who is very toned and when I initially started going to the bathhouse I noticed that all the guys I was hooking up with looked exactly like me. it wasn’t because I wasn’t attracted to other races or body types, but young toned white men were the only ones approaching me. I’m open to all races as long as you are masculine! In the Fort Lauderdale and Orlando bathhouses there is a new wave of beautiful tall skinny masculine black boys popping up all over the place. So now I have been really into them. It’s all about confidence not race. If you allow others to be attracted to you than they will be. That means hit the gym!!

    1. Thanks for the warning; with the new arrival of Somali men on the Florida bathhouse scene, I definitely WON’T be going there.

  7. Great blog and posts. Helped me when I went today to a bathhouse for the first (and probably last) time. Your descriptions/advice helped.

    I think racism is prevalent everywhere, although I would think blacks would have as difficult a time as Asians, simply because of the racial history of this country. I also found your pessimistic post ironic, since I was rejected by everyone I encountered today, including an Asian. So much for “desperate Asians” (I’m white, for the record).

      1. Perhaps. I’m a bit overweight, so I’m not sure how “mobbed” I’d be. I like Asians though, so I’d be good with that.

  8. This really pisses me off when you (cute) asian men call yourselves worthless and un attractive!

    Jesus freaking Christ guys – I (and I KNOW I’m not the only one) find asian men VERY attractive.

    I’m rather upset because (believe it or not) – I’m turned down ALOT by asians! This ‘gotta please’ the old white guy is BS -period! Maybe you’re still living in the 90’s?

    Many many times my age (43) becomes a MAJOR deal breaker. I see young asians, and they almost always go with people NEAR their age.

    Do me a favor an take your head out from under that rock – and open your eyes wider while your at it – you should see what I mean.

  9. Just discovered your site and what a wonderful site. I have been going to bath houses all over the world since my early twenties. I am now 52. I’ve run the gamut of experiences and my role has altered dramatically. I am no longer the hunted. While good looking and in good shape, I am what I am….a middle aged man and that’s not for everyone. (sucks for me as I still like them young). One thing that hasn’t changed about me though is my preference for ethnic men or men of color and at the top of that list are Asian men. Don’t know why that is but I find nothing more sexy than a well maintained Asian boy.

  10. I often see more blacks, indians, and orientals in the morning hours wandering desperately through the aisles in the saunas. They are regarded the bargain sales at the end of the night. It’s no good moping and saying it’s unfair that they are not as desirable as white men because of their race. You can’t make people feel attracted to what they do not feel attracted to. White men in general feel more attracted to their own race. It’s nothing but natural. Why don’t gay asian males, black males, etc, look for partners of their own race then? Is it because they themselves fancy white men more than their own? It is very hypocritical condemning white men for having this predilection and not scolding your own ilk for this. You can’t condemn someone’s true sexual desire – even if it’s racist – because it’s nature. Sex doesn’t play along to the multi cultural propaganda tune.

  11. Thank you for the posting.

    I am a Chinese guy living with my Swedish boyfriend in Stockholm, Sweden.

    I have an average Asian look, dark hair and eyes about 175cm tall, whereas my boyfriend is a typical Swedish viking over 195cm tall.

    We fell for each other through the internet for 13 years ago. I found out shortly after we met, that he had never been dating an Asian before, but dark skinned Arab or black guys. I think being a Swede, he was curious about my foreign origin, let along my oriental background.

    But I do see your point and feel sad that this is the case.

  12. Race race race. Try the stigma of HIV on for size. Hercules wouldn’t get laid.

    Editor’s Note In my observations, good looking Poz guys are more desirable to gay men than attractive Asians. We can agree to disagree.

  13. Just had to say that I ended up with the same conclusions about your analysis about GAM and GWM.

    It makes me feel a little less alone. When I tried to talk about this phenomenon with my GWM friends, they all refuted. Then I talked with my GAM friends and they just said ”Let it drop, you are being insane”. I’m insane of seeing how things work in the gay community ?

    Since I was aware of this phenomenon, I have more self respect for myself and I love every color and ethnicity. It makes me a better and happier person.

  14. Hey. I stumbled onto your blog by chance. I am half Asian myself, and have to disagree with you on many of your observations, even if I overlooked the fact that most of your unpleasant encounters were in a bathhouse of all places. I have lived in the south and in the Midwest, and seldom have had any problems in attracting people of similar mindset and body type of all races, including Whites. From the age of 18 to 24 (now,) I have had two boyfriends, one was a smoking hot 23 y/o White male, and my previous one a 34 y/o Native American that would make you weak at the knees when he touched you. I was with my first one for 4 years, and my previous one over a year. Do you often leave the bathhouse and explore the actual world? Maybe you aren’t looking in the right places, or maybe you aren’t giving off the right vibes with positive energy. Much of the language on your blog was extremely negative; do you take that same attitude with you to the bathhouse?

    On the contrary to your belief, I think Asians could become very desirable in the dating world, but we are our own worst enemy. From birth we are taught by our Asian parents that school comes first, respecting and submitting to those of higher status (namely elders), and looking to honor and please is paramount. Though the parents mean well, this often leads to insecurities and desperation that dumbs down our standards on men. We feel we need to submit in order to receive respect and recognition. Gay guys of all races like men who act like men for the most part, otherwise what is the point of being gay? Guys can pick off these subtle vibes of doubt and pity deep within us a mile away, just like I can spot a flaming queen at pride.

    Whites are very proud people, and expect the same from potential mates. In other words, they like those who like themselves and are confident. You were told that attractiveness and looks count? They weren’t lying. Were you ever taught, though, that half of your attractiveness is the energy and confidence you give off?

    There are people out there that have preferences, and would not give you a second look, I’m not going to lie to you and sugar coat anything. There are people that wouldn’t give me a second look just because both of my parents weren’t White. That isn’t my problem nor yours, but there is nothing you can do to change it. They are entitled to their preferences, I don’t feel its bigoted. I personally don’t date Black men, but I do have Black friends, am I a racist? It’s not anymore their fault what type of person can give them a hard-on (an important part of sex), than it is our fault for what we were born as.

    As far as Asian stereotypes of young twinks with all these old nasty men, stereotypes are based on fact. Some bigot didn’t just come out of the woodwork and make it up for the hell of it. Whose fault is it, though, that these stereotypes exist? If you want change of our image in gay society, it must start with us. As for you, stop hanging out at the bathhouse almost everyday that really wouldn’t do well for anybody’s image to a prospective boyfriend. I would personally avoid somebody like the plague if I knew they’ve been frequenting a bathhouse for over a decade.

    I would love to talk more with you buddy. You have some great opinions and observations, however misguided I feel they are. I am genuinely sorry you haven’t had many good experiences, I really am. Please email me if you want to discuss my comment more at length. I would love to hear more of your stories and exchange some of mine.

    1. Where do you get this “Whites are very proud” nonsense? What a bunch of New Worlders and their odd thinking

  15. Do you still have this problem?Is it just the the bathhouses?

    What do other young GWMs, GBMs and GAMs say? specifically the black ones- I think a majority of white ones would have probably ignored it/you and forgot about said email/subject 15 seconds after closing email/window.

  16. I just read your comments on the GAM/GWM issue. This is something I’ve noticed and has been bugging me for a while. I’m 23 and mixed (half white/half Indian) and kind of look Hispanic. I tend to really like Asian guys but I feel like they mostly ignore me in search of older white guys. I’ve only dated a white guy, but mostly because white men find me attractive (as exotic…dark skinned, etc.) while Asians tend to look for white guys. Are there any Asian guys who go for something other than white? Or, without the skin color, am I doomed.

  17. I liked what you wrote in your essay! I really hate how gay guys objectify each other and not treat each other as individuals with feelings. I’m not just an Asian person, I’m a person different from everyone else. I don’t like to be liked/not liked based on my race and rather base it on my personality. I notice too there is more racism in the gay community. I have straight friends that don’t go saying “not into blacks” etc. But yet in the gay community race matters so much. It’s annoying. I’m glad you posted an essay like this and hope many others read it too!

  18. Being from a mixed race background (mum is Eurasian = Chinese + Caucasian and dad is Indian + Malay) I do agree with the author in a lot of ways however I would prefer to see it in a different light. Let me begin by sharing my experiences being gay in Malaysia.

    That kind of discrimination as detailed by the author, does not only apply to white men in terms of preferring their own kind, over here the Chinese would prefer to be with their own kind as would the Malays too. To me, that don’t mean that they are discriminative, how can I blame them when society has molded them that way (when we see something different which doesn’t fit into that perfect picture that we have in our minds we automatically shut it off or well if that doesn’t happen we get intrigued by it that would mean a new friend or maybe even a potential boyfriend.

    So where does that leave me a mixed parentage slim guy who is pleasant looking with a nice personality and financially stable. Well, I’ve had my share of advances and rejections from Chinese guy’s, Malay, Caucasians and etc however I must say that the only ones who are attracted to me are the ones who are not intimidated by me. As for white men or even men from other races, I have no problems with them and to be honest, I’ve had my share of advances from extremely good-looking ones with nice bodies and etc. However what I’ve notice is when that happens, i.e. a white guy comes up to me and chat me up at the bar, I automatically get noticed by other Asian guys which I find very weird somehow. Then again, that gets me nowhere by just unwanted attention.

    Well, what I am trying to say is no matter where we are in the world we must learn to respect, love and see ourselves in a positive light. You may be as good looking, successful of whatever as a white guy however if you don’t feel it what is the point? If someone tells you that you are not his type so be it, I mean imagine if the situation was reversed. I know I’ve had my share of good looking, well built men even Caucasian ones that I turn down only because there was no chemistry. So to say, we have our own preferences just as others do. So in conclusion I would rather be alone than try hard to fit in into something or somewhere or in some ways get approved for being me. So what if I’m not muscled or white or just don’t fit into a gay stereotype (that straight acting nonsense and all) Most importantly I am me and I have no problems being me. So guys I would appreciate it if you try finding happiness in being you. I find this phrase to be most of all truthful.

  19. Thanks for a well written and interesting website. I have only read about half so far and look forward to reading the rest. I am sorry that in your life people have had such a hang up about race — being a country made up almost entirely of immigrants, who historically treated their slaves and the indigenous population badly, I fear the U.S. citizens of today have inherited their own special societal problems in that area. I hope you would not experience the same feelings in UK, although some racism does of course occur. Come and visit us one day. You sound a really nice guy. One other thing: why do so many people like yourself call themselves Asian? I would never describe myself as simply European or Caucasian. I am English or British. In Asia the races of India, for example, are quite different people from the races of China or Japan and all the other ethnic groups that make up Asia.

  20. I’m just now starting to read through some of your stories and I must say I feel a bit sorry for you on your thoughts on race.

    I am a WHITE 34yo guy, and I’ve ALWAYS loved Asian guys. Most of the guys I’ve dated since I was 17 years old were Asian, probably 2/3rds of them. You portray whites as ONLY looking for other whites, and you couldn’t be any farther from the truth. It may be true that another white guy might be our first choice; it’s rarely our ONLY choice. I like all flavors, though I could never date a black man in a serious relationship only because I know my family won’t ever approve.

    Here’s why Asians get ignored, and you already said why: LOW SELF ESTEEM. People don’t want to deal with guys with issues, and because so many Asians have identity issues, you’re quickly passed by. As for ageists, older men will pursue Asian men for two different reasons. A- they are a sure bet, and B- older gay men historically refuse to accept that they get old and ugly.

    I like Asian guys because I find them attractive, at least cultrated ones. (I have lived in both the US and Canada fyi). I don’t like Asian guys with no sense of fashion, who don’t know how to speak English well, and who take reasonably good care of themselves. Out here in LA, you don’t see so many of them with such bad identity problems, but they still exist. Maybe you need to find a new city. My guess is you live in a town like Philadelphia, or even Toronto. That’s one city where I’ve really seen a huge problem with Asians being able to assimilate into a subculture.

    Asians can have it tough in the US (and CAN). It can be difficult to lose an accent. There’s rarely an “okay” looking Asian. He’s either hot or he’s not. God forbid he be overweight! Guys into Asians like small, tight, defined frames and smooth tanned skin. Asians hold onto that and maintain their youth much longer than other races, but unfortunately when the aging process hits, its almost never pretty or graceful.
    Asians know this is the reality, and their lack of self-confidence doesn’t necessarily come from having small cocks. First off, that’s not entirely true, and even if it does it doesn’t matter because they make fantastic bottoms!

    But it’s time for a reality check. Your take on whites only out for whites is outlandish and way off base, and I suggest you look a little deeper into yourself before you profess why you could be so good looking but nobody will have sex with you. They aren’t the problem…

    1. How typical- you’re one of those people who expect Asians to bottom. And why care so much about the language skills of new immigrants? And why expect people to assimilate into a low brow culture?? Hopefully you’ve changed your tune in the past 8 years, though it’s highly unlikely

  21. Just found your blog and I have to say that you have my undivided attention. As a GBM, I can understand a portion of what you go through with racist or preference. I have only read one blog entry so far but it was enough to get me to write a comment. I look forward to reading more about your adventures in the Baths and also reading your side of the story on the race card in the gay community. Take care of yourself

  22. I think people should just want what they want and not what others(either society or peers) tell them they SHOULD want. I think we should be prepared to recognize and embrace the shifting sands of desire- whichever direction they may drift.

  23. Hello, Thank you for having this blog; I do see your viewpoint wish you had some pics of yourself on here LOL. I lived in SF, LA, the Midwest, but now back in Dallas, TX. White guy 30 5’9 stocky 90% top, gained a little in the mid section but working out again and becoming fit, hairy chest clean-shaven all American type who started dating and sleeping with Asians when I was 22. Also started sleeping with Latin, Indians, Blacks, Brazilians, etc. (this is the same time I moved to California). I lived in San Francisco and did enjoy the rice patty and all the shapes and sizes and I do mean all as one of my one ex’s was 38 6’5 Taiwanese who had a leather fetish. And then there was another ex who was Vietnamese who was 5’6 and had a very notable 8×6 cock. I baths in SF are great but a lot of Asians are sticky rice there and get an attitude with white guy. I know I am cute don’t have a 6 pack but an open and caring face that most men like but since I was only 5’9 most SF Asians would say hi and the moment a 6 foot guy even if he was ugly or old they would do a bee line for him, that is one thing that get me mad its so odd that most Asians that I have seen in SF only go for older, taller and thinner or ever much fatter then me. I have much more to say but I don’t want to take up too much space so I’ll write some more later. Any Asians out there in Dallas? Let have some fun at the baths.

  24. Hello, nice work on the diaries will have to go in there some time next month. A bit of myself… I was born in what was Yugoslavia, republic of Serbia. By that I mean to say that I’m white of east-European birthright. Male. Now in Canada I’ve had some of best friends who were Asian. I always lot had a lot of respect and admiration of Asians…I don’t know where I got that. Now when I read the part about the race White male vs. Asian male thing I was shocked. I thought that you’re delusional, but after reading some comments here, it came out that I was the one misinformed. WOW (no not World Of Warcraft), I was surprised. Then again I never was someone who adhered to any specific group, I’m always bouncing around in a many sided dodge ball. I would like to say that I don’t agree with you, but the evidence is very contrary. Anyway, just wanted to wish you the best of luck and don’t settle for anything less than the one that makes you happy, not content, not socially acceptable, but happy. @+

  25. I read your blog years ago when you were going through rough times. glad to see you are still around. i used to live in Chicago and had the same issues as you. Well, I moved back to the Philippines almost 10 years ago. Here’s my tip, check out bath houses here in Asia. you will find there is a definite market for attractive Chinese looking guys…among the attractive set too…and the whole politics of race, sexuality and what not is a moot just so glad i am out of that world that i left…i always say, for every self hating GAM who is exclusive white only, there is at least a 100 GAM in Asia who will not touch white meat…

  26. One day, you’ll realize that being a gay man has no race, no nationality, and that ethnicity is superficial. There is no ‘love’ at a bathhouse, although there’s lots of affection, and sensuality along with just sex-as-a-bodily function. I’ve read and re-read your stories and experiences, and I don’t want to invalidate your feelings.

    You can really choose how you’re going to feel on any particular day, and face it with positive or neutral or negative feelings as a matter of choice. The choice is yours, and must be made by you, rather than being controlled as though you were a pinball in a pinball machine– with someone else fingers on the flippers.

    I’m a gay man, a bathhouse visitor across the world, saunas in the EU and Asia. I’m also married and some would term me bisexual, but I prefer sex with men. Some gay men can’t consider the thought of a vagina, but a vagina isn’t the only part of a woman– there’s a brain. It’s not the same as a man’s brain, but complements me in my hetero-married life. We get along great. It’s probably not for you, but you’ve maybe seen me in the somewhat anonymous environment of the tubs. I’m there, and millions like me, and you, and the straights.

    I have my own ethnicity. It’s only background to who I am, just the first thing you’ll see and make an impression of. Maybe it’s my physique, or my age, or other characteristics. These are superficial, and if you go beyond that superficiality of first impression, you’ll have much more fun. Otherwise, thanks for the writings.

  27. Thank you for your thoughts. They are well thought out and I appreciate them very much.

    I wanted to share with you my experiences over the last 11 years, both at bath houses and at gay bars.

    I am 33, white, gay. Until recently I was very beheld to the PC idea that I SHOULD not be snobby towards those that I felt were unattractive to me. On the “GQ” scale of 0-10 I am about a 7-8.25 depending on whether I am taking care of myself or not (I am judging this by my own assessment, as well as through what several other long term friends tell me).

    I used to be a fat and, as I used to believe, ugly teenager- that is until I was about 18. At 18 many friends were telling me that I had changed a lot. In sexual arenas it was clear from other people’s reactions that I was not an ugly duckling any more (I came out at 16). As I “blossomed” I was angry at those who were snooty towards me in high school just because I had not been “GQ”. As such I decided that I would be kind, decent and conversational towards those that were lower than me on the “GQ” scale at bars and bath houses. I genuinely sought to connect with any decent person at these places.

    I have learned the hard way that these places are, for the most part, primordial. As gay men we go there for very basic, instinctual reasons; sex. Some of us, like myself, require more- a brief conversation for example. Generally, however, I believe that we are looking for our equals in looks at these places. Please don’t misunderstand me when I say “looks”. This word can be variable, however I believe that it should be self evident that there is a basic equation that pervades human sexual attraction. This “equation” applies in the gay world as much as in the straight world.

    What I am trying to say is that I learned the hard way during my younger years at the bathes and bars. I was treated as an object and generally experienced a lot of jealousy from those who were not “GQ”. I had even been taken advantage of several times. My kindness and willingness to speak to anyone was frequently used to manipulate me into sex that I did not want in the first place; these places are for sex not intellectual contact.

    Today I understand why “GQ” guys flock to each other- for safety and BECAUSE WE CAN HAVE EACH OTHER!

    I can certainly understand your frustration at being a decent looking guy yet not being attractive to those in the society that you are a part of simply because of racial considerations. Perhaps you might wish to consider visiting a place where Asians are the norm to escape the cultural/racial bias? This may not seem fair however I do not believe others should have to act attracted to those that they do not find attractive (regardless of the psychology of sexual attraction).

    PS My ex was part Asian. If I had met him at the baths I would have said “no”. Got to know him= wish I had not lost him.

  28. I just had an 20 y/o Swimmer type blond boy cruising me at the gym yesterday by showing his horny tool in the shower and he even followed me all the way down to the parking lot but I was with my lover and couldn’t do anything about it. I am 38 y/o swimmer built Asian male. It is the law of attraction that governs this world and if you allow yourself to be attractive, you’ll get laid.

  29. Hey there, have been reading some of your stories…and found the one on racism pretty apt.

    I’m a gay Asian male in South Africa…I’m a highly educated and attractive guy with a great body but have experienced such racism from both GWMs and GAMs. It’s really sad….

    Not only in bathhouses but the same occurs in clubs, and bars. I still don’t understand it!

    What bugs me most, how is a sensible GAM supposed to find friends with similar cultural backgrounds, if such a pathetic mentality exists in our minority communities.

  30. I was fortunate enough to go to the Midtowne Spa in Los Angeles about a year ago. Nice clean facilities and friendly staff. It was my first visit. The best sex I had, without a doubt, was an Asian Male. He was small, had a hard body and smooth skin. He could suck cock better than anyone else and, when the time was right, turned out to be the best bottom I have fucked in the past 15 years. We cuddled afterward, and then took a shower together. I left shortly after, but will never forget how wonderful he was. This summer I am making a trip to the Megaplex in Boonville, Missouri and I hope it is as good. If not, I will continue on to the Club St. Louis and hope for another encounter with an Asian male.

  31. Very interesting discussion. How ironic, though, that all the advertising in the blog page depicts nothing but white young guys.

  32. Hi. Thanks for sharing your extensive experience at the bathhouse and I’m sure many people benefit from them. However, I would have to disagree with some of your rigid assessment about racial attitudes at the bathhouses. I am a GAM with slightly toned body, around 5’5″. Relatively good looking and quite versed in general knowledge so I can pretty much strike up a conversation with most people (not that I do much of that at the baths, only rarely). I go to the bathhouses every once in a while to check the scene. I’m in Muslim Asia and there are quite a few GWM (Germans, Italians, Dutch, fat, muscular, old, young, you name it) who come to the bathhouse I frequent. I find many of them attracted to me even as I browse the corridors. You can say that well, there’s a reason why they’re in Asia in the first place…

    However, while I was in London last year, I went to the Pleasuredrome near the Tate on two consecutive days (I was in town for about 4) and I did top a 6′, very handsome, quite athletic, GWM from Chamonix (he preferred it…frankly, I would have loved to be the receiver), played with another one who was not as tall, slightly older (35 or so) got hit on more than a few times by other GWM (some very old, some in their prime), and also did an Iraqi. I did however; encounter the type of GWM and GAM (and GA+WM) you described earlier. It’s whatever kind of thing for me, really. Personally, I am not too particular about race and if I haven’t done someone from any particular race yet, it is most probably because I haven’t met anyone suitable yet. I have type preferences that transcend skin color. I have done people of my own race, but I must admit I prefer uncut which, most of my race aren’t. It’s a complementary issue, really as the man (he’s mixed) I’m seeing on and off nowadays is uncut and likes my cut member just fine. So really, maybe I’m living in this tiny dimension where the stuff you described seems to be the exception rather than the rule. But here’s hoping things will be better. Peace.

  33. I’m a 19 y.o Asian guy and I have no problem attracting women/men from all . But I can see where you’re coming from.

    Negative media portrayals can really hurt the great majority of a group(ethnic, religious, professional, not just limited to broad terms like race), especially in the eyes of really shallow and stupid people. Almost all the Asian men in mainstream American media are downright hideous simply by coincidence (small pool), and the roles they’re portrayed in are almost always negative or one-sided. Ninja, nerd, ugly kung-fu guy, or ugly kung-fu nerd etc. There are a lot of attractive Asian men being portrayed in the media in Asia, of course.

    That, and there’s under-representation (there’s a huge difference in acceptance in say, California vs. East Coast) of Asian men in America, because of sheer numbers or otherwise. Generally I’ve found that greater exposure to Asian men makes them more attractive to the people there; the exception being extraordinarily good looking guys in an under-represented group.

    So I guess another good way to speed things up is to be more visible and to get people to know you. Stupid people are all more or less alike, if you are different they will dislike you. I’d suggest going somewhere where you can find more intelligent gay men, I’m sure they’d be more open minded. There are always a lot of shallow whores in the mainstream.

    Another thing I’d like to say is that I have noticed white men often dating younger Asian men. It doesn’t bother me at all really.. a lot of them are really nice people. I don’t think it’s exactly that older white men go after Asian boys specifically, but that a lot of Asians in America internalize self-hate (a lot of us should all be familiar with this; i.e gay/straight and the decades of trauma) from under-representation coupled with negative media portrayals. It’s a multilayer ed threat; as a young boy growing up I felt aliened by the gay mainstream and despised by heterosexuals in general.

    So yeah, it’s rough. I guess I should stop rambling and get to the point. Lashing out at white people in general will not help you, especially if you want to attract white people. Being obsequious and diffident will really hurt your chances as well; not to criticize.. I think you should spend more time around people who appreciate you and not dumb superficial man-whores who happen to be white.

    I hope the best for anyone who’s suffering from as a result of society’s general ignorance.

  34. Hi, I have read just the first few articles and cannot help comment. As a very good- looking Asians in my youth, I guess I had somewhat better luck, though I certainly would have wanted more. LOL. Now about the preference/racial thing, my view is that the worst perpetrators are those desperate young GAM who have neither taste nor self-esteem.

    I think the whites have their rights to be attracted to themselves. I’ll give you 2 (out of many) stories:

    At a GAM function, I mocked those GAMs and was later reprimanded for putting a fellow GAM down! I had inadvertently offended so many at the function!

    Other one: at a gay dating/friendship party (10 years ago at gay center), I saw an neat looking Asian and stoke up conversation, I said: “Although I was not sexually attracted to him, I would like just to be.…”

    Right away he says: “neither was I!!”

    Before I could finish, …platonic friends?”

    “Oh, maybe, maybe,…” he said, half disgusted.

    About a month later, I saw this guy (I bet 20’s) shopping, then entering a bar/restaurant with a tired dried-up guy in his limping 60/70’s, someone I believe any bystanders (most of all GAM’s mother) would feel so sorry to see the GAM befriend.

  35. I am a white male.

    Maybe things are different in big cities with well developed gay communities. A kind of institutionalized bigotry may have become the norm in some places. I don’t know. I have not noticed it in Pittsburgh. I don’t frequent clubs but I do participate in gay sports leagues. So I meet a lot of gay men.

    When I first met my husband, a beautiful man of Thai-Chinese descent, we were playing racquetball. His friend didn’t show. Neither did mine, which was lucky for us.

    We became friends, figured out the other was gay and that was the beginning of our lives together.

    My husband is much smaller than me, and far more intelligent and much more masculine. I usually refer to him as the more “innsertive”.

    His eyes, his lips, his skin, the way his hair doesn’t grow like mine are all beautiful and very different.

    I think the differences between us made us more curious and more attracted to each other initially. But sexual animal attraction fades. Something else has to be the glue that keeps a couple together.

    True love, that’s right. And mine is packaged in yellow and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

  36. Aloha from Hawaii! I read with much interest your essays on GAMs and GWMs. Having been raised here in Hawaii where Asians are the majority, (a Margaret Cho comment about Hawaii: “Where else can you find dim sum in a 7-11?”) I do not see this “self-hatred” that you refer to.

    We have only one bath here and there are always Asians there on any given night – and we play together. In fact, my Asian friends prefer Asians and sometimes we have to actually run away from pushy GWM both at the bath and in the bars.

    My trip to San Francisco many years ago was the first time I witnessed this anti-sticky rice attitude that you write about. Here in Hawaii it is almost the opposite and we “sticky” Asians question (metaphorically speaking of course) those GAM who only date GWM. Not for their “self-hatred” or anything like that but just for fun.

    All I have to say is, come to Hawaii where you will see the wide range of AJA; confident, intelligent, masculine (which is a purposeful dig at the white racist who commented that most GAM are feminine), successful and so much more.

    A word of advice to GWM who are looking for the submissive GAM, we don’t need you to validate us. Many times we are more financially secure than you, more successful and more confident, and a lot of times, better built, than you. The idea of being your “ornamental” is offensive. If you are cruising a GAM because he is attractive, that’s awesome, but if you are looking at us as objects or just to blow you because you think we are desperate – you have a lot to learn about Asian men.

  37. I always wondered. What about a guy who doesn’t want to go to his grave without getting fucked and sucked and to suck a cock? Can’t reach mine.

    If you have been around the world and met with many different cultures I think you start to prefer color. More honesty. 46 year old, I think age settles my soul, removes fear and prejudice. Again thanks, can a straight guy go to a bath to try new things?

  38. I very much appreciate your site and its stories. However, I need to suggest that many GWM of all ages find Asian men very appealing (men are men) I am a social scientist and you’ve given me a research idea.

  39. I think Asian guys would have much better luck with Bi guys like myself who like Asian women. Many Bi men would find you all to be exotic like Latinos, etc. Also maybe, Transsexuals would also more than likely be a possible choice. Frankly, true gay men are very difficult people anyway, many with deep emotional issues. Again, I think you all would find Bi men the most understanding and open to try new things with new people. For us sex is sex; all the other issues do not apply to us, so we can enjoy our partners without all the baggage.

  40. I visited a bathhouse in an Asian city last year. Coming from a deeply closeted country, all that booty was driving me mad. However, I realized that being brown makes a difference. The cold shoulder was clearly apparent and I thought it was just me.

  41. Hey your articles are great. We have both had some of the same observations. You so often verbalize what I have been thinking. I try to get to the bathhouse about once a month. So happy I found your site. I have to agree with you about GAM, I am over 50 and a little over weight and I know they wouldn’t be looking at me, if anyone else was interested. About a year ago I was in a maze in a bath house and started kissing a guy. It was to dark for us to see each other, but we could tell we where both very oral. He said, “Do you want to go to my room?” and I said – sure. In the hall when we checked each other out, I said you still want to get together. We agreed and I have to say we had some of the hottest guys sex I had ever had. I changed my mind, not I just hope a GAM will look my way. I have had some wonderful encounters since I stopped letting race get in my way.

  42. I have always liked slighter, darker men. As a kid all the boys I liked were dark complected and this was in a very WASPy town. In my – all too many – years of going to bathhouses, I have been with members of all ages and races, but I generally like the look and feel of Asian men. Is it racism? Maybe, but I don’t think so. When I came out there weren’t many GAMs around, so I had no experience for many years. When I did it was fun, and wanted the experience again. And as more Asian men came out, I did, and it was still fun.

    The literal feel of youth is an aphrodisiac; Asian men age well. Contrarily, as I get older, I want to be with people my own age, of similar experiences, and educational background. Unfortunately rarely do I find GAMs my age in bathhouses, and bathhouses are, after all, mainly for sex. Yes there are young Asian men who like me, but I think proportionately it is the same for other races also. The excitement of a young guy wanting an older one is something you will experience I think, and it seems to be separate from race. The urge to procreate with obvious fertility?

    There is a fascination – look up the derivation of that word – for people of opposite races or opposite “looks” for many, myself included. There is also something compelling about a different culture or way of living, sometimes to the extent of over-romanticizing its attributes and downplaying its faults. I am sure that is true of me. I like the chaos of China, the uptight politeness of Japan, the openness of Thailand, and enjoy how each of these manifest in the sleazy underbelly of all three gay cultures.

    Have I wondered if my attraction had a racist base? Sure, and I thought about it a lot. Not to be too “nuanced”, I believe my apologia for liking Asian men is a result of age, experience, and reading the research into why people like others. But you are likely right in many of your observations regarding self esteem and control. Yet, please don’t disregard simple attraction. I never liked blonds. They never did much for me. But there have been a few… Ah well, there are always exceptions.

  43. First, thanks for taking the time to write the articles. You depict bathhouse events very accurately. I do disagree with your view that ALL white guys want other white guys, though. I happen to find Latinos the most attractive group personally. With Asians and white guys, some interest me, some don’t. I do not consider sexual preferences racism, any more than being first and foremost attracted to skinny guys would be weight-ism.

  44. Hey- I am a half-white and half-Latino. I have to admit, some gay people I know prefer white men, but not all! My friend and I (although we’re a lot more than that) really couldn’t care what race he was- so long as he’s around our age, not overweight but average, and as long as they’re not fem.

    I, myself, do not have a fetish for Asians, or any race for that matter. None of my friends I hang out with have any clue that my friend and I are gay. They’re not (as far as I know) but I still find that I like them a lot! If only they were gay… But anyways, one is black, one Latino, one Asian, and two whites. I’d go for any of them regardless of race; if I was not to know them, I’d still want to get to know a guy first. It’s not all about the outside (no matter how sexy they are!) but also their personality.

    From reading your stories, I find that many white guys dislike Asians, and I must agree that maybe 80% whites don’t like them. But all my gay white friends but ONE would not turn down an Asian, so long as he isn’t an ass.

  45. Your observations on racism in the gay community and your resulting theories are interesting and probably to some degree true. I believe as you, we are all subconsciously prejudiced by our family, culture and the society into which we are born. However, once we are old enough to honestly “see” ourselves, our conscious actions should be based on justice and equality. You were astute enough to realize that sex is sex and the “id” can be motivated by many, many triggers. In my case (GWM-52) my preferences have been the same all my life – trim attractive body, well-endowed, smooth, and a basically gentle person. I don’t care what the wrapping is if it meets my criteria. And yes, these preferences are more important to me as I age since I do wish to “recapture” some of my own youth! Is that so bad?? One person cannot change the whole world, but we can change people one at a time by our actions and influence upon them. You sound like a good and just man – march to the beat of your own drum and life will be meaningful and good. Jay

  46. Just my take, being a GWM; Growing up, there weren’t any Asian’s around. Finally met some Asian people about 10 years ago, and was fascinated by how friendly they were, their culture, and their beautiful physical features.

    Since then, I have maybe 5 white friends, however the majority of my friends are Asian (well over 100).

    My bowling teams are mostly Asian, The friends that I hang out the most with are Asian, and I almost exclusively search for an Asian partner.

    Can’t tell you how many times I have been turned down in that arena, but I know that eventually, I will find my partner for life, and he will be Asian.

  47. I’m a 43-year-old bisexual. Even though I’m middle aged now, I wasn’t always, and I can tell you that I’ve always been attracted to good-looking men and women of all races. I’ve had sex with them all, and have thoroughly enjoyed it. I am a well-endowed Hispanic, and have been both top and bottom to Asians, Blacks, Whites, you name it. I’ve topped women of all races too

  48. After reading this story, I had found quite a lot of similarities between you and me.

    I am Asian myself and had gone to many saunas in Montreal. I do not only go however for the GWM and I do not have prejudices against my own race. I am attracted to any kind of guys, regardless his ethnicity background. The only criteria that I ask for is that he must be fit and good looking.

    I had had sexual experiences with Whites, Latinos, Arabs, and Asians. The only experience that I had not have is Black guys. Not that I am racist, but rather it’s I have not found an attractive Black man yet.

    I agree with you that GWM are taking the advantage that we submissive and considered as “last pick.” I found this very disgusting and I somehow do not agree this, but this is reality. The only thing I hope is that one day, things will slowly change…

  49. I have really enjoyed reading your stories and observations about gay men, bathhouses, and the sometimes strange, hurtful and sometimes loving interactions gay men have with each other. Especially good were your comments on racism and body discrimination in the gay community. You have observed closely and honestly related these types of gay behaviors (I have certainly observed it) that others might prefer to dismiss or downplay– your moral antennae are in the right place.

  50. Mad props 2 U 4 yo’ Ntrospection, but I think yo’ exam of yo’ self esteem pathology is Ncomplete. As a fair-skinned brotha, I’m familiar w/ da complexities of intraracial dynamics, but answer me this? R U not attracted @ all 2 blacks or latinos? Think about it; U crave sex w/ white dudes 4 all da wrong reasons (social gain), then further defeat dat desire by reserving yo’self 4 da 1 N a million dat will settle 4 U when he’s hard up enuff (I haven’t seen many ugly or fat Asians, so U ought 2 C yo’self as da bomb, not da consolation). Meanwhile u got brothas & vatos checkin’ U out & U ain’t even payin’ attention. ‘Tho’ my weakness is latinos, if U’re halfway tight, workin’ what U got & can talk a lil shit & laugh, we can hook up, & I ain’t no buster. Every man’s got sumthin’ sexy ’bout him, but sexy is mostly attitude.

  51. You are wrong. I love Asian males. But I can find any in my area (Louisville, KY) that will respond. I want a true love. Can you help me locate one.

  52. I’m a GWM (normal height, slightly muscular, not a twink tho 😉 that used to spend some time in Toronto (is that where you are?) at a few places (St. Marc, etc.) I have a preference for non-W but that includes Asians, Blacks, Hispanics, etc. The thought of all the neglected Asians is truly sad; I always opted for a beautiful quality of whatever sort (including chubs!) and frequently found much beauty in Asians. Oh well, it is an eternal triangular dilemma. It’s the self-hate that poisons the perceptions, too.

  53. I think you have written a very perceptive series of articles on life in the baths. You really do know the scene, don’t you?

    I’m glad that you pointed out the bad parts of the gay scene, especially the use of alcohol and drugs. It seems many are just hell bent upon their own self-destruction and nothing will stop them. Drug and alcohol abuse are a plague upon the gay community. Many will not admit to this.

    I am 53 years old and in good shape physically. But also in good shape mentally. Those ‘Adonis’s’ who roam the hallways are so twisted by their own self-absorption that they are repulsive human beings. PLEASE! Give me a break! Remember, the Greek god Narcissism drowned in the pool when he fell into a trance-like state looking at his own image in the water. Some things never change.

    Regarding race: I think you are overdoing it. I am white and the first sexual experience I ever had in a bathhouse was with a black man. I’ve had very good sex with Oriental’s as well. Recently I was with a Vietnamese guy and it was great. Some white guys might prefer other white guys. If they are prejudiced, it’s their loss. I think it’s probably more of a preference thing than anything else.

    But I am sorry that you feel that way. Congratulations on a job well done!

  54. I am in a relationship with a very special Asian. I am white. When we are out with friends or even at the baths, I have asked other white guys why they show no interest in Asians. Aggression is the word that I hear 99.99% of the time. Here in Toronto we have a huge Asian population, therefore there is a large number of gay Asian males. My white friends always tell me if they (Asians) just wouldn’t be so damn aggressive they might be interested. Remember too, most Asians are VERY racist. As they ONLY want to have sex with white guys.

  55. I think its important that Asians are reminded that there are people out there who hold these feelings about us, and that we should be aware of them. Face it, racism today is subtle. Society (at least western society) frowns upon it. However, there is a difference between non-violence, tolerance and acceptance. Because racist actions are not as apparent as it was pre-civil rights (I’m talking more about the US), where government and much of society condoned violence against minorities, many tend to view that as acceptance.

    And those in the majority that genuinely are accepting of differences (whether of race. sexual orientation, gender, etc. ) they are not fully aware of problems faced by minorities.

    It’s funny that people are asking you to remove Anonymous White Males (AWM) comments. Instead of offering commentary and solutions for this type of problem (racism and stereotypes of Asians), they would like to erase and hide AWMs insults from people who might hear these types of racial slurs and will take some form of action that might make a difference to change future attitudes toward Asian Men.

    Remember, the ugly face of violence towards those in the movement fanned the Civil Rights Movement in the US. The media showed law enforcement spraying young students with firehouses. Police were also shown clubbing young civil rights activists. This tragedy tugged at the heartstrings of Middle America. People started asking how anyone can commit such barbaric acts against other human beings after witnessing something so horrific. This tragedy helped pass civil rights legislation to protect blacks civil rights.

    The same can be said about Matthew Sheppard’s murder. Matthew Sheppard was killed because he was gay. Because the media was able to portray Sheppard as a sweet boy that could have been anyone’s son or brother, who was tortured and killed just because he was gay, hate crimes laws and civil rights protections were passed protecting gays from discrimination in many states. Of course there is much more to do, but the Sheppard incident brought gay rights discussions to the national stage. People were shocked that one person could torture another, just because he was gay.

    These acts of violence do not happen everyday, and what AWM says might seem like a racist opinion. He does threaten violence toward GAMs (they should all….be shot) in his comments, but I think he was freely expressing his opinion because he can remain anonymous. It’s scary though, that this animosity toward Asians can easily turn to violence under certain conditions (mob, drunks, etc). We as Asians should be aware that these attitudes are out there. We don’t know how common this attitude is, but judging from GAMs popularity with nonGAMs, I believe AWMs opinion is more common than meets the eye.

    We can’t hide our heads in the sand. We must be aware of attitudes such as AWMs. He is vocal about his hatred towards most Fem Asians, and most people are not. It’s just not politically correct. But whether it is PC or not, people will act out their attitudes under the right circumstances. We need to be aware of racism in its many forms. It can be subtle, and that could be the most detrimental to the Gay Asian community.

    We should not shy away from outwardly racist acts against us. We should acknowledge them, and use them to help our cause to combat racism.

  56. I love your stories, and while I don’t agree with everything you say, your perception of the action in the bath houses is excellent. Thank you for writing these. I am off to Amsterdam next week, and hope to spend much time in the Thermos Saunas. I will put into practice some of what I have learned here. I am a GWM and do not dislike GAM at all.

  57. I am living in Boston, exchange from France. Yes, I am white, but not consider myself racist. I do not regard me as “special,” but am unsure of this fascination with white people. I have dated mostly white guys, that is what is around me! But I also like Asians, Blacks, etc. I wondered if you had experience w/ black men, and if there is similar perception of racism. Also, what can informed, open-mind white people do, short of all rushing out to get a black or yellow BF, to show that we are not hateful? I found your site very informative, but I sense anger that make me feel bad. I wonder do U hate whites, maybe u feel we oppress? Even when not trying? I don’t know, just wondering. I forgot to say in the previous message I’m not not 300 pounds either, I’m well below half that weight, and I’m not gross looking either, I’d probably be liked at that GQ bathhouse but like you I really hate people who are that superficial ~smiles and acts like he himself was never that kind of person~ Yuck this really sounds like I’m tooting my own horn but I just want you to know there are GOOD Asian loving guys out there

  58. As a GWM living in Singapore, I can only suggest that you visit the saunas here. 95% of the patrons are Asian and most are “sticky rice”, that is, they are Asians into other Asians. GWM, even those in their 30s, are often rejected. In the darkroom, a quick feel of body hair is enough to send many an Asian off in search something smoother and less smelly. I actually like Malays best, but I also enjoy other races, such as Chinese or Indian. The biggest racism in the saunas is the Chinese who completely reject the Tamil Indians, often with a look of horror on their faces. I was surprised to hear that Asian Americans seemingly suffer from low self-esteem. It seems that in places like Singapore, the Chinese have rather a lot of self-esteem; a bit too proud of themselves and their superior ancestry, some might say, especially in comparison to the Malays and Indians. Although GWM can be bastards in Asia, I think those that settle down here and learn to appreciate the culture, soon also get hooked on the rather special attractiveness that GAMs have. I know I have. Young GWMs in America are missing so much!

  59. I normally don’t comment on people’s websites. Actually, I don’t ever. But I was really compelled to do so after reading your site. I totally know what you mean about not being seen. While I’m sure it probably ties into other issues, I always feel rather invisible to other gay men and not ‘attractive’. Despite having dated models and other guys who have their choice of men, I don’t feel like I get the same consideration as some not-so-cute white boys. Whoa, that’s pretty superficial, but there we are. I guess looks are less evil than racism? Btw, there is a huge difference between gay boys and Asians on the e. coast v. west coast. You’ll notice that Asians are more integrated in the mainstream on the west coast on the whole and in gay culture. The two seem fairly inextricably tied together. Just remember – you don’t seem to be that repressed/oppressed if you are going to sex clubs. I don’t think I could ever go and I’m in decent shape from the gym. I would hope you would view that as fairly positive.

  60. Interesting stories. I do disagree with the fact that many GWM don’t like GAM. I love Asian guys, always have and always will. I know that there are many guys out there that think the same way as me. Is it possible that many of the guys out there have expectations that will not be met ? … I mean that perfect 10. I am not a 10, nor am I a 1, but have a difficult time meeting Asian guys. I am a decent guy looking specifically for Asians and have just the same problem that you do. Like you, I love to kiss, cuddle and have an intimate time with my partners. When I find that with someone I ask if they would like to meet again and it just never happens. Oh well, I will keep on looking.

  61. Hello, I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy reading your observations about bathhouses and its politics. You may be on to something here. You should convert this website into a book. I think it d be a fun little book to read. What’s refreshing is that it is written from a gay Asian’s point of view. It really got me thinking about other Asian guys I saw at a San Jose bathhouse this afternoon. I spent much time observing if any Asians have been wandering for hours and hours without luck. I don’t think it was any different if he was white. Some whites didn’t get lucky and some did. I saw some Asians getting lucky and other Asians who didn’t. I think here in the San Francisco Bay Area, there is a large gay Asian community with quite a few organizations. Here in San Francisco, I believe the white and the Asian communities are on an equal playing field, even in the bathhouses. I think its easier for a gay Asian guy to find sex in a bathhouse here than elsewhere in the country. Know anything about that?

  62. Obviously we live in two different parts of the same country. I am not white. I am not Asian. I have had very few encounters with Asians. first of all, I do think that cute white boys/men are choice. I also like Latinos, Arabs and Asians. But they are still cute. I recognize that I have very few encounters with Asians because of the way they are perceived to me. I do not like submissive/slave persons. Most I have encountered project shyness (which is OK), and also submissiveness. You cannot look afraid to be rejected.There has to be some air of confidence. A nice bod goes a long way (as opposed to thin/malnutrition). I think I like strong well built defined men even if they are nearly jet black.p.s. consider coming out west to phoenix, LA, Berkeley Las Vegas. If you do, let me know, maybe we can go together.

  63. Hello-Found your site during some random surfing tonight. I read your “Racism at the Baths” and “GWM don’t like GAM” stories and found them both well-written. As a gay Asian myself, I agree with many of your comments, although I think that the degree of racism depends a lot on our geographic location. I live in southern California, and while the issues you address certainly exist here, in my personal experience I haven’t had too much trouble finding guys of any race around my age who are interested in dating, and not to fulfill the typical rice queen’s Asian fetish. My guess is that it’s because the west coast has an older Asian community. It’s been my experience that most of the Asians that don’t date other Asians are the ones that come from families that are fairly new to the country, and these guys see bagging a white guy as an indication that they somehow fit in. Asians, or for that matter gays of any race who are more comfortable with their identities- racial, sexual, and otherwise, seem more open to dating other Asians. I have never been in a bathhouse, and thank you for your openness and willingness to share your experiences; they answer a lot of questions I had about what it was like inside a bathhouse.

  64. Asian men are the MOST interesting and attractive for me! I am Caucasian. The hottest sight in my life was seeing all the naked Japanese men in a bath house in Hakone, Japan. I masturbate daily thinking about that. I love uncut Asian cock. I love to touch and hold Asian men.

  65. Why not try joining specific Asian clubs. Hopefully wherever you are there is a big Asian community like here in Vancouver… it is nicknamed HONGcouver lol. Many gay Asian clubs know exactly what you are talking about so why don’t you try to find one in your area…if there aren’t any then maybe it is time you save your money (stop or reduce your bathhouse activities) and MOVE to a city that has exclusive Gay Asian clubs. If you are in America which I assume, why don’t you move to Vancouver Canada… Vancouver doesn’t have the concentration of pigs that America has!

    I guess I also wanted to say there is no point in finding love or something more in bathhouses…I know you mentioned that that is why you like bathhouses in one of your stories but in other stories in sounds like you want more than just some roll in the hay type of sh*t. If you want more then it’s time to NETWORK! Get Asian gay friends (try hard..i know you said you don’t have any) and some gay sport clubs or part of an organization either asian exclusive or something pro gay perhaps

  66. I’m go to the only popular bathhouse in Vancouver, not the ‘steam’ one. And I see every race of guy there. What appears to happen is the Asian guys are too shy and play up the shy guy/girl role. Which alot of races do and it never tends to work, plus the shy/cautious thing is a Canadian trait if there ever was one. And I am Canadian.

    Also if in groups, the guys tend to be gossipy, or they walk around with their clothes on the whole time, and occasionally someone will be cruising with their clothes on and sucking the corner of their towel nervously. Now that just looks sooo sexy, please…
    Men like a confident man sometimes, shy is a cool game too. But not standing in a blackout room or steam room with an extended hand groping people, or forcing yourself into rooms after someone has said politely,’just resting’ or ‘no thank you’.
    Be yourself, be true and for god-sake no more cockroach hair color (that was my queen bit) hehe. If you know who you are, it shows. Occasionally some guy will arrive who is all Queenie, that’s what the competition bathhouse is for and everyone knows nothing really happens there, hell, everyone wonders how it still stays open.

    But I am glad this Vancouver Club lets every race and age in without question. Remember, just because you are in a bathhouse, that doesn’t mean you are going to be popping a load every time with everyone. Its not a blame game. Be real, use common sense.
    By the way, I am a ‘white’ guy with no hangups on any race, its more of a feeling from the person to me. What one gives off. Not to be cliche. Plus I also worried for a bit as being in my close to mid-thirties, I haven’t worked out for two years, and there is that whole gay ‘image’ thing. Well, I actually lost weight (three waist sizes), instead of being bulky, and am very sleek, and toned, with a smooth as silk bod, like most Asians I’ve met. I became the real me and have more men after me than I have time for.

    Still, who knows what the secret is, and men are fickle characters at times anyway.

  67. While I know that gay men are as tribally prejudiced and xenophobic as anybody else, do you ever think you might be blowing things out of proportion sometimes? I’ve (admittedly) been to bathhouses in various countries, and it seems that most of the time guys just wander around in circles, maybe get off anonymously in some dark area, and then go home. My luck in bathhouses has been more or less the same in places like Thailand or Hong Kong, where I more or less look like everybody else, as in Europe or America, where I don’t.Besides, even though I personally understand how bad it can feel, you do have to get enough perspective to realize that there are much worse problems to deal with than young white guys not being attracted to you. You’re not IMO missing out on all that much. Just focus on the ones that do like you, and make your own life. Why obsess that you’re not the homecoming queen?

  68. I am kinda hooked on your writings. I do hope you will add more to them in the near future. It reminds me of the times I came out, in SanDiego Ca. I like the fact that you remove the shame that are sometimes connected with the baths. I hope that you remain safe and happy. I do enjoy Asian men, I would bottom for you without question. Asian men can be hott !Peace be upon you. Mike

  69. I hope that you type me back and we have an online discussion. I am an Italian gay man in an inner-racial partnership. I feel we have much we could discuss. At your convenience of course. 🙂

  70. I’ve read your essays about racism at the baths. Interesting, because sadly it makes a lot of sense. I’m caucasian, and I’m mostly attracted to guys who are not white — first I thought it was just black guys (living in DC and Atlanta) then when I came here (SF), I realized that I also am very attracted to Asian guys too. Just not white guys it seems. (I grew up where *everyone* was white, I think that may be part of the reason why). I’ve bees seeing a Japanese guy 7 years older than me who really likes me.. I like him a lot too, but our HIV status is different, and this makes it pretty difficult for me. Anyway, we white guys – who are relatively young and attractive, and who like Asians (our own age) and others – are out there!

  71. Your articles about racism in the bathhouses are quite interesting which made me pause for a while and think why some Asian men (which includes you of course)are beginning to make conclusions that GWM don’t go for GAM. Perhaps, many gay Asians have not tried their bests to reach out these “white men” and realize that being attractive to someone does not have anything to do with race at all. GWM are attracted to the same race because they are comfortable with them. If only we, Asians (by the way i am euro-Asian) should make that extra effort to understand the white culture, life would not end up in misery for everybody inside those bathhouses and i think the perfect way to start this is to stretch our arms and understand our own fellow GAM in our backyard. I may have Spanish features but my Asian looks cannot be hidden from the crowd and I did not find it hard getting laid with white men; lots of them actually and I am pretty sure that you are even more physically attractive than me. Self confidence is what you need and be what you are..

  72. Hello everyone. I am a 23 year old black guy who is interested in find a great guy to be with, of ANY race. Although I am attracted to Asian men, I find that most of them are not into me. I’ve seen a lot of Asian guys I thought were nice looking, but they didn’t take a second look at me. I would like to be enlightened. Why do most Asian guys only want white men? This isn’t to judge, I just want to know.

  73. I just read your views about racism against Asians from whites. Now I don’t know about America, but I still think you’re wrong. Since I was a teenager I was always more attracted to foreigners and people of different origins than myself (ALL kinds). You say White guys aren’t interested in Asians, I simply believe you’re wrong. But I have noticed that Asians in general almost NEVER take INITIATIVES towards contact or pick ups, they seem to always be waiting for being picked up in stead. I believe that’s why its easier to end up with guys of other origins, at least they make AN EFFORT for something to happen, and then its a whole lot easier.I think this rejection of Asians is an illusion(however real it might seem, but we’re not always the best judges in personal matters -pls keep that in mind). I think Asians would see there is a whole world waiting for them if they could only “get their finger out”(like we say) and make a pass or something, don’t just sit there WAITING for things to happen. The first one to grab for the piece of cake will often end up with it

  74. I am dating a white guy who has fairly high quality. Surprisely I am top and I am driving him nuts. I have gained a great deal of confidence by doing so. He brought me to East Side Club for my first time. I had different impression about Asian in bathhouse. I thought I was a target. I have built up a firm musular body by going gym 7d/w. It might give me more chance than most of my country men. Your page really surprise me. I would love to share you with more stories.

  75. Feel the point u made out there, though i just read the front part of the “politic in bathroom”.

    Being a Chinese, i agree with your opinion. I don’t have much experience, ‘cos i m in a Muslim country (means i m still in closet).

    So far what i got is few months of irc chatting(started last Aug, 2001) but what u said is so true .. grateful to hear u speak up for other Asians.

  76. Enjoying your stories, bookmarked so can read more lately.I am “white”, but am turned on by smaller guys and other cultures. (Many Asians are smaller). Had sex in Amsterdam in November with Chinese hunk. Awesome!

  77. I’m a writer and have to say, if you haven’t thought about it, you have a book here- I’ve just discovered your site and look forward to reading it- your sexual honesty is hot- as a white guy who likes Asian men I’m very interested in the dynamics of relationships, the expectations and misunderstandings are wild- AND relatively unexplored in literature. If we get a dialogue going I’ll send you some stuff I’ve written after I’ve read more of yours.

  78. The first guy I was ever with, that way was from Siam, when I was 9. I’ve been mostly with Asian guys since then. Although I usually prefer guys who are a bit older…well, more mature…sometimes that can be younger guys as well. I met a really nice guy from Nippon a few weeks ago, and he was only 25. I rarely do Caucasian men.

  79. I have enjoyed your site and read most, if not all of your stories. Well done, and I can relate to many of your observations. I’m a pretty good looking (blush) white boy who met my (Asian) partner when I was 26 at the largest gay bath in LA. A slow Saturday afternoon. I don’t usually hit on Asians but there was just SOMETHING about him. After we “did it”, we talked for what seemed like hours. We exchanged numbers, two days later he called. We went out on a date date. That was 10 years ago and we are still going strong. Registered domestic partners, two homes, three cars, living trust, medical power of attorney and all the rest. Guess what I’m trying to say is it is possible for 2 guys to meet in a highly charged sexual environment, hook up and end up together for the duration. Whatever, enjoyed your site.

  80. I myself have dated with guys of various races and cultures (White, Jew, Black, Puerto Rican, Indian and Taiwanese), so I simply cannot understand the people who confines themselves only to certain type.
    There are a lot of beautiful guys out there, so why do you limit yourself :)?

    True, it is hard sometimes when people give you attitude or ignore you or objectify you because of what you look like. But I think if I started to attribute every rejection simply to racism, then I would drive myself insane…. At least, I could say that I never turned someone down simply because of race. So I would like to keep myself open-minded and refrain myself from playing “race card”, however trying the situation may be. I think there is racism in gay community, but I don’t interpret everything from that point of view. I just keep that in the corner of my mind and not to make myself too defensive.

  81. I relate to your story about rejection because that has happened to me a few times…I think that is so especially in the US is that white men and women are forced on us via ads, TV shows, movies as the epitome of beauty therefore most white people identify with only white men. on occasion white Latin men. as desirable…plus Asian men are never portrayed as sexually desirable men…and last but not least the gay worlds obsession with huge penises which Asian men are not known for…those are just a few of many more social, cultural reasons etc. I have been to Europe may times, the Latin Caribbean islands, South America, Egypt, Jordan etc and found to my surprise very good-looking men. young and old …. cruising me openly. so maybe it is a US thing…personally I have never found Abercrombie and Fitch, Nautica type white boys and men attractive sexually. this will sound racist but…too white….Latin and Arabic men are much more sexual. way much to me….one more thing…openly gay men are not attracted to me but I have had bisexual or young curios straight men and boys come after me…and lots of good looking married men especially….young to older…have had flings with a few I’m ashamed to say. the last one was a married good ole boy in Texas with a body of a god for close to 2 years….another acquaintance. a cute Japanese guy has told me the same thing….I would like to hear from other Asian guys if this is happening to them also….I have always found it odd ….right now two supposedly straight men. one married in their early twenties are always flirting with me at work when no one else is around….very sexual talk sometimes…they are a no no of course because I work with them but it is tempting since both are pretty hot…anyway thanks for your site. you have been very honest and have hit the mark….start looking outside the GWM shelf and you might like what you will find………….good luck

  82. Wow, I’ve learned a lot tonight. I’m a relative newby, Caucasian, never been to a bathhouse cause I’ve had a bad impression of them. Thanks for opening my eyes. I have a 37 year old Taiwanese BF (we are both cuddlers), but I’ve never thought of myself as someone who thinks Asians should be subservient. I just appreciate the beauty and the gentleness of the men.

  83. Thank you for producing a well-organized intelligent and interesting site. Its so easy for anyone to make their own site but unfortunately they can be as boring as the people who create them. My compliments to you for being the exception. I’m not just being gratuitous. I really mean it. I live in nyc and since the terrorists attacked the world trade centre, I’ve been having difficulty sleeping at night. last night I was wide awake at 4:00 a.m. So I picked up a book that I’ve been enjoying immensely. And then after a couple of hours of reading I thought I’d just check my email and then ran across your site from geocities. Actually, it was the first site listed of all the hundreds of sites under the heading of gay men So I guess you’re pretty lucky. Anyway I started reading your stuff and was really hooked. But I was only able to read it for a few minutes before it was time to log off and get to work. Your writing style is pretty good and I just enjoyed it for that alone. And of course the content was interesting too. I’ve been visiting baths for a couple of years. Sometimes its frustrating and I leave without making a connection. (I’m white) but oftentimes I meet someone (sometimes Asian but not always – more on that later) and its really great. Not just the sex but the part about two human souls touching. Between the pleasure and warmth its really nice. And 99% of the guys I meet are basically good guys like myself. I’m looking forward to exploring your site some more. And about my cultural/ethnic preferences: yes I like Asian guys a lot. They are easily my favourite. I like all kinds of Asian guys. Japanese, Chinese, Korean, Vietnamese, Malaysian. Some are butch and masculine with nice gym bodies. Others are smaller and lithe. They’re all unique. I don’t believe the subservient theory applies to me. I’ve always liked Asian boys ever since I knew I was gay (at age 18). But I don’t just like Asians exclusively. I also like Hispanic guys, blacks are nice and so are French boys and other European and Mediterranean boys. I didn’t mean for this to be a long message and it could probably use some editing but I’m at work and got to run now. Thank you for the good work.

  84. My favorite sexual experience was with a man who lives near Pusan. He f**ked me with my knees up. I’m tight and he slapped my thighs which opened me up for his beautiful cock, the head of which had the foreskin around the base like a doughnut, an operation some Asian or at least some Korean men have. It was the most demure feeling of my life. I like your site so much I can’t remove it from my favorites list even though I’m continually removing other sites for fear of being found out.

  85. I’ve just read all of your stories. Thank you for interesting stories and your effort to put them online. I go to a bathhouse in Melbourne sometimes, I’m into white & young guys and I’ve had similar experiences like yours. However, not like you, I think that there are quite a lot of young white men who like Asian guys. If you can not find a nice and young white guy in that “friendly bathhouse” why don’t you try other bathhouses? Well if someone likes you just because you are Asian you should not feel bad about that. Why should you feel bad if someone likes you because you’re Asian while you admit that you like white guys (because they’re white!). You think that people like you because they have that Asian fetish. Why don’t you think that some white guys might have thought that you like them just because you have that White fetish?! Well I’m just trying to tell you that please be proud of yourself as an Asian and feel great when men like you because you’re Asian. I believe that such a friendly, kind and thoughtful guy like you will be able to find his Mr Right soon. Good luck! Thanks again for your interesting stories. I’d like to be your pen-pal and would like to hear (and share)experiences and ideas with you. 🙂

  86. Hi!!!! Love your site but mostly I love what you have to say. The part that I find intriguing is how perceptive you are about being objectified for being Asian. I like your holistic attitude about the Baths…seems like it nurtures your Heart, Body and Soul. I get the feeling that you’re into energy and not looks when you meet a guy, if he’s really hot it’s a bonus. personally, I hate the mainstream gay community’s focus on beauty and how big a guys dick is. I’m a gay man who was born in a female body and I’m working on correcting that with hormones and surgery. I liked that you made mention of transgender and transsexual people. Would be great to hear from you. Feel free to email me. If you do put “bathhouse” in the subject line so I know it’s you.

  87. Hi! I’m just your typical GWM, I thought, until I read your story. I’m 41, exclusively into Asian men–not because of some fetish or because they are easy pickings. I enjoy the camaraderie, that we are able to share some emotional bonds on different levels. Oh well. I’m the one who’ll be alone for the rest of my life! lol

  88. I was surprised to see you writing about white men not liking Asian men. I think Asian men are beautiful and am sorry I have not had many opportunities to be with them.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *