Sex With Clothes On
While many gay men love gay baths, there are just as many men scared of the tubs. Those that have never been to a bathhouse are unsure about what lies on the other side as it is so unknown. As it can be a bit intimidating. So, this is the most common question I get asked:
Can I go to the baths as an observer? Without the worry of getting hit on?
The answer is yes, and here is how to do it. Keep all of your clothes on.
No rule exists at the baths that says you must remove all your clothes when you visit. Some men like to accessorize their towel look with a few items, like a T-shirt. But a tiny minority of men want to remain fully clothed. By staying dressed, they signal other guys that they are off-limits and hands-off. That is because other bathhouse patrons are unsure if the clothed customer is a hustler, works at the baths, or is just an observer. I have always felt that when a guy keeps his clothes on, it is an issue of control. He wants to control whatever sexual situations he might find himself in. The clothes act as a barrier, almost like a shield, between himself and his sexual partner. So if a sexual act happens while one is fully dressed, both men cannot get too close as keeping clothes on makes the sexual liaison detached and clinical.
But keep this in mind. If you decide to stay clothed during your visits to the baths, you must be the aggressor if you want any action. Because if you are naked like everyone else, that puts you on an equal footing. But if you stay dressed, you are signaling that you are unapproachable.
For instance, I remember one year, I saw a GORGEOUS and MUSCULAR blond guy who looked like a porn star. He kept his jeans on but was shirtless and wore sunglasses. It was the summer, and the bathhouse felt more like a poolhouse during that season. Men would come in and out from the outdoor patio and pool. They would be completely naked or be wearing a towel, having spent time either swimming or tanning (yes, the bathhouse I go to does allow nude tanning and swimming!) The blond guy stood in the hallway for an hour. Finally, he approached me (my approachable face again) and asked me what was wrong with all these guys. I replied, “Excuse me?” He told me he was from out of town and stopped by to check out the bathhouse situation in my city. He could not understand what was wrong with all of the local guys. Why was no one approaching him? I explained to him that #1, by wearing sunglasses, no one could make eye contact to see where his interest lay. #2 With his jeans on, he is signaling he will not be approached and is probably only interested in receiving a blowjob. #3 With his looks and incredible body, many guys think they are out of his league. The signal he was projecting was, “I am unapproachable.” He thought briefly and said, “Nah, It must be the guys here.” With that, he left to go to another bathhouse.
You must be scratching your head, wondering how men have sex when one is fully dressed. Remember, the guy who stays dressed is in total control of the situation. In short, he is selfish. He is using the other person as a plaything for his sexual gratification. With one person fully dressed, the other person cannot get close (again, that intimacy issue). It is not like you are both taking turns pleasing each other. The guy who is clothed is getting everything that he wants.
But there are other reasons why some guys stay fully dressed at the baths. Other than the control issue, many guys do not want to give themselves totally to a stranger. Being clothed, many men keep their sexual encounters as quickies. As mentioned, many guys want to save intimacy for a future boyfriend. Remember, we are not dealing with the Heterosexual world here. We are dealing with the Homo world, where things are in reverse. In the gay community, you can get blown or laid anywhere. But for real body-to-body intimacy, like kissing, many gay men want to save that for someone they love. Hence, the lack of kissing at the baths.
One example is the many high-powered men in finance who stop by the baths to get a blowjob. No intimacy, no names exchanged, and no connection gets established. All these businessmen want is a blowjob. They do not care who gives it; most businessmen are straight! Where else will these men get a blowjob if their wife or fiancée finds oral sex disgusting? Bingo! They head to the baths. It is cheaper (and more discreet) to go to the baths searching for a blowjob than to hire a hooker to do the deed. $60 for a hooker versus $12 for the special rate during lunch at the baths. Just for a five-minute blowjob, which costs $2.50 a minute.
These straight businessmen stay dressed in Armani suits, walking the hallways for a blowjob. The only difference is their fly open with their dick hanging out. That signals other guys that they want a blowjob, so no one gets the wrong idea. They walk up and down the halls until someone blows them. Some even carry poppers so they can enjoy the ejaculation that much more. After ejaculation, these businessmen pee (to avoid STIs), zip up their pants and head out the door. No fuss, no muss, no cleanup. In and out of the baths in 15 minutes, satisfied with getting blown.
Or you might have the reverse happen. A fully clothed guy interested only in oral sex might want to be the one doing the blowing. By staying dressed, he also controls the sexual liaison by not getting touched. The clothed guy will go from room to room, blowing guys. Remaining clothed, he is keeping things as detached as possible. One friend told me that a guy entered his room, fully clothed, and spent the next hour rimming and sucking him. My friend tried to persuade him to remove his clothes, but he refused. The friend even physically tried to undress him, but he resisted, saying that sucking and rimming him was all he wanted to do.
Then you have the gay men who are truly paranoid about getting an STI or any other germs they think are prevalent in a bathhouse environment. On the one hand, these men desperately need sex. On the other hand, they are genuinely paranoid about what lurks in the air at the baths. When people think of a bathhouse, images of a dirty, scummy place come to mind. Staying dressed is a way for these men to protect themselves (they think) from all the nasty bodily fluids circulating at the baths. I remember one person bringing brand-new garbage bags to store his clothes in his locker. That is how paranoid he was about what bugs and germs may lurk at the baths. But he is not the only one. You always see many men wearing some footwear while walking the bathhouse hallways in their towels. Most of these men are Asians because they are paranoid about what they may pick up. Some even go further than that by wearing socks and shoes, which look silly.
Then you have men who start fully clothed but get undressed like everyone else by the end of their stay at the baths. As mentioned above, a guy sometimes wants a blowjob, hence staying dressed. But during these interludes, some couples get so horny with each other that clothes start flying off. It can especially happen when a guy has just arrived at the baths. Gay men like to survey the rooms upon arriving before getting undressed. It is to see who is around. The reverse happens as guys get dressed, ready to leave the baths. But I want to have just one more look around before departing.
Either way, a fully clothed guy might spot someone he likes and figure, “Why waste time getting undressed” and goes for it. It is common to see a guy exit somebody’s room, practically naked, carrying many clothes. It happens more often than you think. I still remember eavesdropping on a couple in the room next to mine. It was summer, and I could hear one of the guys taking his clothes off and listening to him removing his shorts and underwear. The noise of the jangling of his belt and keys in his pockets. The sounds of him pulling his shirt over his head, kicking off his sandals, and hearing him getting on top of the other guy and kissing him. That was almost twenty years ago, and I still remember it as if it was yesterday.
I can’t wait to get naked and put on my towel when I hit the baths. It gives me such a feeling of freedom and relaxation. I love being completely nude, wearing a towel and nothing else, not even sandals. I tried wearing them, but they just made me feel clothed. I love that feeling of nakedness, and wearing any footwear defeats that feeling. Sometimes I forget that I am naked and surrounded by other naked men at the baths. That is how comfortable I have gotten with my nakedness. But being almost naked does have its drawbacks. Some guys I have known at the baths have picked up foot fungus, crabs (from the steam room), and other viruses (like the flu). Those are all widespread bugs you can pick up when interacting with naked men at the baths.
In over twenty years of going to the baths, I have never picked up anything: no crabs, no foot fungus, no STD, nothing. I guess I must be under a lucky star.
Dry cleaners everywhere thank the lunch special businessmen who keep their clothes on!
Oh! What a sexy moment. But I don’t like sex with clothes on.
I do not know who you might be but definitely you’re going to a famous blogger for those who aren’t already. Cheers!
I hate it when guys are fully clothed in a bathhouse It makes me feel nervous and scared. Like they are not there for sex, just there to make gay patrons feel uncomfortable or they are cops or guys who sneek in to physically assault homosexuals. I report those kinds of guys to the front desk. They scare me! If you’re going to go to a bathhouse DON’T STAY CLOTHED you’re just going to scare away twinks like me.
Been to many baths over the years.
Thanks for going through the effort of writing and hosting this informative site.
I’ve been visiting bathhouses and sex clubs for just about two years now, exploring as great a diversity in the facilities as I can, (LOL) enjoying the architecture. The social aspects of bathhouses have always bewildered me a bit. I understand better now. NEVER before did I understand that Asians experience discrimination. (Being quite small myself, THAT aspect I can understand). But frankly I’ve always sensed that Asians were sought after–Asians, blacks.
You’ve taught me quite a bit more about making and breaking contact. I’ve simply been oblivious to the whole eye contact thing, having read that one initiates contact through touch or spoken word.
I would enjoy seeing your take on sex clubs where everyone remains clothed. Quite a different atmosphere there. I personally adore mazes and darkrooms and find them in greater abundance in the sex clubs.
Thanks again. You are a champion!
Loved reading your stories about bathhouses. I go to the baths about twice a week and love it. I like to look at all the naked guys and suck them off. Sometimes I get a room but mostly I just cruse the halls.
I recently came across your website. I read every one of your articles in one sitting–I couldn’t get enough. I’ve wanted to visit a bathhouse called the Club in St. Louis, but I want to learn as much as possible about the environment first, and your web-site is very helpful. Thank you. Have you ever been to the Club because I would love to hear someones actual words about the place. Thanks again.
Great site – informative yet quietly sexy. I am always unsure about bathhouses because I do not know the etiquette. Thanks for the advice. And continue to have (safe) fun.