Open Relationships

Open Relationships

Any long-term gay relationship eventually needs a change. While a couple can love one another and cannot imagine a life without each other, the sex can get stale. In short, some couples feel the need to have new sexual experiences outside the relationship. They want to explore new avenues, go into uncharted territory, and experience something fresh. All gay relationships eventually progress to a new level. This level is an open relationship.

All of us know what an open relationship is, but I’ll explain it for those who are new or recently out. As I mentioned, sex between two men can get boring after a few years. If each party is willing, they can seek new sexual experiences outside the relationship. But there are ground rules that each must follow.

Here are the most common rules I have heard: Each party will not tell the other person what experience they have had. Each party MUST practice safe sex at all times (some couples even have a no-anal rule). Neither party may bring anyone home. Finally, if either party is out of town, they both have permission to seek a new sexual experience.

What does this have to do with the baths? Some couples take it one step further; some go to the baths together to seek out new experiences. Some men secretly visit the baths without their partner’s knowledge, hoping to have a quick sexual encounter.

Jay goes to the baths at least once a week, making it the highlight of his weekend with his partner, starting with brunch and then shopping. At 4 PM, they part ways. One goes to one bathhouse, and the other goes to a completely different bathhouse. Jay is attractive; he has a receding hairline, is hairy throughout, and has a sexy physique. He has no problem finding sex, especially with some gorgeous hunks! Jay engages in sexual activity dozens and dozens of times each visit. In my observations at the baths, I’ve noticed that some men seem to have a knack for scoring. They possess a unique quality that captivates others. Jay is like that. He does not have to leave his room; he lies on his bed, and men come to him. Jay and his partner spend 8 hours (4 PM to midnight) at separate baths. Once it hits 12 AM, they leave their respective bathhouses to meet up at an outdoor parking lot and drive home together. They never say to each other how it went or what happened. Moreover, in seven days, it will start all over again.

Many guys go to the baths alone, with the blessing of their partner. One individual shared with me the details of his relationship with his spouse. His partner has a severe heart condition. It is so profound that he cannot overexert his heart by making love. The only things they can do are kiss and hold each other. The person with the heart condition allows his partner to go to the baths once a month to fulfill his desire to fuck. Only twelve times a year does this partner have the chance to partake in anal sex. Therefore, his behavior at the gay baths is akin to an animal seeking raw meat.

Some couples go to the baths together, but they cruise separately. One couple I know will rent their own rooms, but they will make sure they are far apart. Then they do their own thing, oblivious to what the other is doing. Any outsider observing how this couple interacts at the baths would think they are friends rather than married. There is no jealousy when one partner gets action while the other remains idle, or vice versa. One half of the duo told me they could go to the baths alone. However, it was contingent upon the other partner being away on business. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’d seen his husband solo at the baths many times when he wasn’t out of town.

Not every couple desires to be apart from one another. It is not uncommon to see a committed duo sprawled on a bed, watching guys pass by their room. The couple lies there, hoping to attract someone both men want to have a “threesome” with. Or they will walk the halls of the baths looking for that “third” person. In many couples’ minds, a threesome is not adultery. If both parties are together, engaging and experimenting with the same person simultaneously, then, for some reason, it does not feel like cheating. Both parties are aware of what the other person is doing at all times. They are also in a controlled environment, monitored by each other. In a threesome, one of the parties will often sit back and watch his partner get it on with someone else, a cuckold. That is just as much of a turn-on as having sex.

For some couples, a threesome is the only level of openness in their relationship. However, at the gay baths, some couples loosen their ground rules. They go to the baths together, primarily looking for a third party. Occasionally, one party notices a cute guy, but the other party shows no interest. At this point, solo activity becomes permissible. One friend I know from the baths had an encounter with a couple who followed this practice. The friend in question prefers one-on-one action and is not really into threesomes. He likes to be intimate and give himself completely to one person at a time. However, he found both guys attractive and faced a serious dilemma. The solution? He slept separately with both of them! He spent an hour with one guy, took a half-hour break, and then hooked up with his partner for another hour!

Other couples looking for a third party take a different approach. They will have sex openly in the shower, porn room, or even the sauna area. When a couple engages in sex out in the open, they hope to attract other guys to join in for a threesome. The other day, I saw a couple arrive at the baths together. Once undressed, they immediately started to engage in oral sex right in the porn room. They simply strolled into the room and began their sexual activity. One guy was on his knees, while the other sat down, enjoying the moment. Soon, other men joined in, and the twosome quickly turned into a fivesome! But the fun did not end there. Once this couple finished, they picked themselves up and searched the gay baths for more threesomes. By the end of their stay at the baths, they managed to have group sex in the steam room, sauna, whirlpool, orgy room, and even the TV lounge. They even had sex in their room, with the door wide open and the lights on for everyone to see. They hoped that some hot guy would join them.

You have to be a pure exhibitionist, not minding other men watching you have sex so openly. However, be aware that not every couple will welcome you into their party. You can try your best to join in. If someone pushes you away, retreat. They are not interested in you. You would be wasting your time following them around the bathhouse, hoping to continue this interlude. If you get rejected for a group encounter, accept it gracefully and move on to search for someone else. You will look desperate following a couple around who have no interest in you.

Then you have couples who take things to the ultimate level. Bathhouses have everything you can imagine, including a sling room (think leather and S&M). Some couples rent time in the sling room and invite their respective buddies for a hot foursome. You see items such as Crisco, water, energy drinks, poppers, and even cock rings for maximum longevity. Sweating bodies, moaning, and groaning are the norm in a session like this.

Not all men are open to an open relationship. When I related this last story to one of my single friends at the baths, he was appalled. He would be devastated to see his partner make out with someone else in that situation. But I cannot tell you how many people I have met in open relationships. In many gay men’s minds, sex and love are two separate things. For heaven’s sake, I have even run into my psychoanalyst at the baths, and he is a gay man in a ten-year relationship! We just said a short hello and went our separate ways. I did not bring it up when I saw him in his office. I just felt it was none of my business. At least I do not have to wonder what he looks like with no clothes on. Now I know.