Sex With Clothes On

Sex With Clothes On

While many gay men love gay baths, there are just as many men who are scared of the tubs. Those who have never been to a bathhouse are unsure about what lies on the other side, as it can be intimidating to venture into the unknown. The most frequent question I receive is:

Can I go to the baths as a voyeur? Can I visit the baths as an observer without fear of being cruised?

The answer is yes, and here is how to do it. Remain fully clothed.

No rule exists at the baths that says you must undress when you visit. Some men prefer to complement their towel look with a few items, such as a T-shirt. But a tiny minority of men want to remain fully clothed. By staying dressed, they are sending a strong signal to other guys that they are off-limits, so hands-off. The fully dressed customer is either a hustler, a bathhouse employee, or an observer, so other bathhouse patrons are unsure. I have always felt that when a guy keeps his clothes on, it is an issue of control. He wants to control whatever sexual situation he might find himself in. His clothes act as a barrier, almost like a shield, between himself and his sexual partner. If a sexual act happens while one is fully dressed, both men cannot get too close, as keeping clothes on makes the sexual liaison clinical and detached.

Keep this in mind, though. If you decide to stay clothed during your visits to the baths, you will have to be the aggressor if you want any action. Being naked puts you on equal footing with everyone else. Being fully dressed sends the signal to everyone that you are unapproachable.

I recall encountering a GORGEOUS and MUSCULAR blond man who resembled a porn star. He kept his jeans on, but he was shirtless and wore sunglasses. It was summer, and during that time, the baths felt more like a pool house. Men would enter and exit the outdoor patio. They would be completely naked or be wearing a towel, having spent their time swimming or tanning (yes, the bathhouse I go to does allow nude tanning and swimming!). The blond guy stood in the hallway for an hour without getting any action. Finally, he approached me, recognizing my approachable face, and asked me what was wrong with all these guys. Excuse me, I said. He told me he was from out of town, and he dropped in to check out the bathhouse situation in my city. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with all of the local guys. Why wasn’t anyone approaching him? I explained that because he was wearing sunglasses, no one could make eye contact to see where his interest lay. Wearing jeans, he conveys a non-approachable demeanor and is likely only seeking a blow job. Given his attractive appearance and impressive physique, many men mistakenly believe he is beyond their reach. “I am unapproachable” was the signal he was projecting. He thought briefly about what I said and then replied, “Nah, it must be the guys here.” With that, he left to go to another bathhouse. However, his demeanor conveyed the message, “I should not engage in conversation until I approach you.”

You must be scratching your head, wondering how men have sex when one is fully clothed. The guy who remains dressed is in total control of the situation. In short, he is selfish. He is using the other person as a plaything for his sexual gratification. Having one person fully dressed makes it difficult for anyone else to approach. That’s the whole point. It’s about avoiding intimacy for the person who keeps his clothes on. It is not like you are both taking turns pleasing each other. The guy in clothing is getting everything he desires.

But there are other reasons why some guys stay fully dressed at the baths. Other than the control issue, many guys do not want to give themselves totally to a stranger. Men use clothing as a protective barrier to distance themselves from sexual encounters. As previously mentioned, many guys want to save intimacy for a future boyfriend. Remember, we are not dealing with the heterosexual world here. We are interacting in the homosexual world, where the norms are completely different. In the gay world, you can get a blowjob or fuck anywhere. Many gay men want to save real intimacy, like kissing, for someone they love. Therefore, they refrain from any lip-locking at the baths.

For example, there are many high-powered men in finance who stop by the baths just to get a blowjob. There is no intimacy, no name exchange, and no connecting. All these businessmen want is a blowjob. They do not care who provides it, and most of these businessmen are straight! Where else can these men get a blowjob if their fiancée or wife finds oral sex repulsive? Bingo! They head to the baths. Going to the tubs in search of a blowjob is more cost-effective and discreet than hiring a hooker to perform the task. A hooker costs $60, whereas the special lunch rate at the baths is only 12 bucks. The cost of a five-minute blowjob is $2.50 per minute. These guys in finance know a bargain when they see it.

These straight businessmen stay dressed in their Armani suits and walk the hallways looking for a blowjob. The only difference is that their cocks hang out of an open fly. The message is clear—suck my cock. They walk up and down the halls until someone blows them off. Some even carry poppers so they can enjoy the blow job that much more. After ejaculation, these businessmen pee (to avoid any STIs), zip up their pants, and head out the door. No fuss, no muss, no cleanup. You’re in and out of the baths in 15 minutes, completely satisfied.

On the other hand, you have fully dressed men who want to give, not receive. These guys are able to prevent any form of physical contact by remaining clothed; this maintains control over the sex. The fully clothed male will go from room to room, performing oral sex on as many men as possible. He remains dressed, keeping things as detached as possible. One person told me that a fully dressed man once rimmed him and sucked him for more than an hour. My friend tried to persuade him to take his clothes off, but he refused. The friend even tried to undress him physically, but he resisted, saying that sucking and rimming him was all he wanted to do.

Then there are the gay men who genuinely fear contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI) or any other germs they believe are common in a bathhouse setting. These men desperately need sex but are genuinely paranoid about what lurks around the gay baths. When people think of a bathhouse, images of a dirty, scummy place come to mind. Staying dressed is a way for these men to protect themselves (they think) from all of the nasty bodily fluids that are circulating at the baths. I remember one person bringing brand-new garbage bags to store his clothes in a locker; that is how paranoid he was. But he is not the only one. It’s common to observe numerous men walking the bathhouse hallways in their towels, wearing footwear. Most of these men are Asians because they’re most paranoid about germs. Some even go further than that by wearing socks and shoes, which just look silly.

Then you have the men who start off fully clothed, only to end up undressed like everyone else. As I mentioned before, sometimes all a guy wants is a blowjob; hence, staying dressed. But during these interludes, some couples get so horny with each other that clothes start flying off. It can especially happen when a guy has just arrived at the baths. Before undressing, all gay men enjoy surveying the rooms upon arrival to see who is around. The same thing happens when guys put their clothes back on and prepare to leave the baths. They just want to have one more look around before departing.

Either way, a fully clothed guy might spot someone he likes and think, “Go for it. Why waste time undressing?” It is not uncommon to see a guy exit somebody’s room practically naked, carrying a bunch of clothes with him. It happens more often than you think. I still remember eavesdropping on a couple in the room next to mine. It was summer, and I could hear one of the guys taking his clothes off and listening to him remove his shorts and underwear. The sound of his belt and keys jangling filled the air. You could hear the removal of a shirt, the kicking off of sandals, and the kissing. That was almost twenty years ago, and I still remember it as if it were yesterday.

I eagerly anticipate undressing when I arrive at the baths, as it instills in me a sense of liberation and tranquility. I love being completely naked, wrapped in my towel, and wearing nothing else, not even sandals. I tried wearing them, but they just made me feel clothed. I love the feeling of nakedness and wearing any footwear defeats that feeling. Sometimes I forget that I am naked and surrounded by other nude men at the baths. That is how comfortable I have gotten with my nakedness. But being almost naked does have its drawbacks. Some guys I’ve met at the baths have picked up crabs (grabbing someone else’s towel by mistake), fungus (from the steam room), and other viruses (like the flu). Those are all low-level but widespread bugs you can pick up when interacting with naked men at the baths.

In over twenty years of going to the baths, I have never picked up anything: no crabs, no foot fungus, no STI, nothing. I guess I must be under a lucky star.