Prime Timers
Gay baths consistently attract this specific type of person. It doesn’t matter whether it’s day or night, raining or snowing, or if there are a hundred or a handful of guys present. This specific type is consistently present in the tubs. What “type” am I describing? I am referring to any person over 65 who bears a resemblance to a grandfather. In this essay, I refer to them as “The Prime Timers.” I refuse to use a particular six-letter word that begins with the letter “T.”
Before I start getting hate mail from the Prime Timers, let me say that I have the utmost respect and admiration for older gay men. I believe gay men should honor their predecessors. At the same time, lend a hand to those coming after us. For the past three years, I have volunteered at a gay senior center in the city (see, I do not spend all my time at the baths!). Working with these older men, listening to their stories, and learning from them has been an education. Older gay men deserve nothing less than respect and dignity. These men have blazed a trail for all gay men to follow.
But anytime the word “bathhouse” comes up, people automatically think of a “dirty old man” stalking the hallways of a gay sauna. People often assume that only desperate men seeking sexual gratification frequent the baths. This misunderstanding contributes to the stereotype of elderly homosexual men dressed in a towel. Well, let me shatter a myth right here. First, individuals of all types and backgrounds frequent the baths: gym enthusiasts, Black men, plus-sized individuals, Latinos, twinks, Asians, and the list continues indefinitely. I have seen it all. What makes the Prime Timers any different? As I mentioned at the start of this essay, it’s the frequency with which you encounter older gay men at the Tubs. One day, I dropped by the baths on a gorgeous Sunday afternoon. The sun was out, and it was very humid. The baths were completely empty, except for the Prime Timers. At least ten men over 65 were roaming the hallways. Why weren’t these men enjoying the beautiful weather on such a lovely day? Why did they choose to remain indoors at a bathhouse? Two reasons: #1: The sex drive does not go away once you reach age 65. #2: As you reach senior age, a profound sense of isolation emerges, particularly for gay seniors compared to their heterosexual counterparts in the same age bracket.
To put it bluntly, many gay men view males over 40 as invisible, undesirable, and truly worthless. Once anyone reaches their late 30s or early 40s, things begin to slow. By the age of 50, things reach a complete standstill! As things start to sag, gravity takes over, and suddenly, you find yourself in middle age. Just because a gay man turns 60 does not mean the testosterone vanishes. The hormones remain active as long as a man can still achieve an erection. Indeed, there was a purpose behind the development of Viagra! Senior gay men find it impossible to seek out other men for sex when they are 60 years old. Trying to pick someone up at a bar or club when you are 60 is impossible. Forget park sex; it perpetuates the stereotype of “dirty old men” lurking in the bushes.
Therefore, many older guys have turned to the gay baths as a refuge to try their luck. Given the anonymity of the environment, you have nothing to lose. Rejection in an anonymous bathhouse is preferable to rejection in a bar or club. The reason older gay men go to the baths is because they have nowhere else to hang out with other gay men! The biggest problem facing gay seniors today is a sense of isolation. Many of today’s gay seniors did not live out their entire adult lives as openly gay men. Many came out later in their lives. With more teens coming out in record numbers, the gay community is getting younger and younger. The older generation does not feel connected with the current gay climate. With all the half-dressed twinks dancing up a storm at bars and clubs across America, gay seniors feel self-conscious and entirely out of place. Many older gay men ask, “What’s wrong with this picture?”
As a result, the baths have become the sole space where older gay men can express themselves freely. They can be in a sexually charged environment, cruise, and, most importantly, be among their peers. They do not feel this sense of isolation. With an increased senior gay population within the next decade, we may see even more seniors at the baths. The fact is that the older gay and lesbian community will continue to grow. An estimated 400,000 gay men and lesbians in the United States turn 50 annually. Furthermore, more people with AIDS live longer thanks to new drug combinations.
However, even in the baths, there is an element of “invisibility” associated with being a certain age. 95% of young gay white men want to be with guys their age or younger. Therefore, men in their 50s tend to target younger individuals, particularly young Asian men. That’s because gay Asian men are obsessed with dating gay white men. If gay Asian men are unable to find any gay white men their age, they appear to have no problem dating someone 65 years old, provided they are white! The issue lies in the lack of self-esteem among gay Asian men, which leads them to pursue anything white. The thinking is that any white guy is better than no white guy. For older white men, finding a partner in the fifty-something age group can be challenging. Therefore, the fact that so many young Asian individuals pursue them flatters older men. Even if the man has a purple complexion, older men appreciate the attention, regardless of their skin color.
It is remarkable to observe these men in their sixties, who are Caucasian, engaging with young Asian individuals in their twenties on the street. Once, on my way to the baths, I stopped to buy a coffee at a cafe. I observed an older white man and a very young Asian guy sharing a slice of cake. I thought, “Well, maybe they are just friends. Avoid making hasty assumptions.” Half an hour later, guess who showed up at the baths together? On my return journey that evening, I observed a Caucasian man in his sixties embracing a young Asian man in his twenties while riding public transportation. It hurts me when I see so many gay Asians exploiting themselves like that. It also stereotypes gay Asian men as only interested in older, daddy types.
Because I am Asian, older guys frequently approach me for sex. While I find it challenging to attract guys my age, there is no problem when it comes to older men. Actually, it is a hassle. It does not help matters that so many Asians chase after older guys, perpetuating the stereotype. As a result, when older guys see me, they automatically assume I want to provide them a blowjob. I have never been to a bathhouse without encountering an older gay man either cruising, touching, or initiating contact with me. Once, as I was reading in the lounge, I noticed an older gay man staring at me. I have seen him at the baths for several years; initially, he always pursued me. I think I made it clear to him that I was not interested. He gave up after a while, so I did not ignore him whenever our paths crossed. But I did not encourage him either. Later in the lounge, he sat beside me and stroked his dick to an erection. We were not in the porn lounge but in the reading area. I elevated my magazine to obstruct my view of his manhood and positioned my body at a distance from him. I expected him to get the hint, but he persisted. Finally, after 10 minutes, he gave up and left. End of story, right? Wrong! He came back twice and tried again to get my attention! Excuse me? Were my actions not obvious enough to convey my lack of interest?
Another time, I was in the whirlpool when a 60-year-old man entered and sat next to me. He had been cruising me for an hour. I was not interested and tried to make that obvious. I sat away from him, positioned myself facing a wall, and curled up in a fetal position. You would think that he would understand the message. What did he do? He tried to play footsie with me underneath the water. I did not expect him to touch me, and when he did, I was so surprised that I yelled and sprang up! He then took offense at my actions. Excuse me, but who was cruising whom? My body language clearly showed that I was not interested. He is not the first, nor the last, older gay man to hit on me in this manner. It has happened so many times.
When I am at the baths and see older gay men act this desperate, I can only feel sympathy for their sense of isolation within the gay community. Their need to connect with someone is evident. This is why numerous older gay men engage in relationships with male hustlers, both within and beyond the confines of the baths. It stems from a desperation and craving to be with someone, even if it comes at a financial cost. Perhaps this also explains the connection between older gay white men and younger gay Asian men. Both groups are similar in that they have an air of desperation about their situation. Both groups repeatedly set themselves up for rejection in a bathhouse environment. They end up together because no one else wants them.
However, the situation at the baths for older gay men is not entirely dire. I have observed some 55-year-old men getting as much action at the baths as a 25-year-old would. Some men have such a strong charisma that they have no problems finding younger guys to hop into the sack. I cannot explain it. However, it’s not insignificant that an increasing number of older men are stopping the aging process. Some men in their 50s still maintain a youthful appearance. Regular gym visits, healthy eating habits, and advancements in medical technology have rendered 50 years of age irrelevant. Numerous men have confided in me about their experiences of having sex with men over 55. Listening to their stories, those 55-year-old men don’t seem that old!
Some young, hot-looking guys prowl the Bathhouse in search of older men. Similar to fetishes for Chubs and Asians, many men are obsessed with older men, also known as “Daddy Types” in the online community. Given that many older individuals lack computer literacy, it can be challenging for younger men to locate older men. Therefore, they resort to the baths in the hopes of finding an older guy. I remember seeing a man in his thirties arrive at the baths with an older gentleman in his sixties. When they emerged from their room two hours later, I noticed that the older gentleman had a great-toned, muscular body. I could understand why the younger man would find the older man attractive. I even overheard the younger guy telling the older guy that salt and pepper hair was a turn-on for him. I don’t believe he was referring to his hairstyle!
I even have a friend, Ari, who is heavily into older guys. Ari and I are the same age, but he likes his men in the 60-something range. Ari believes that the older the man, the better he is. Once, I overheard Ari and a 65-year-old man having anal sex! I was in the room next to the older gentleman. Ari entered the room, closed the door, and then they proceeded to fuck rather loudly.
Let me return to discussing the gay senior center where I volunteer. I once greeted a 50-year-old man and his 20-year-old companion. There was no question that they were a couple. However, at that moment, the heterosexual aspect of my mind nearly inquired of the older gentleman whether his son would care for a cup of coffee!
We cannot ignore that soon we will all be 50 or older. It’s time to show gay seniors the dignity and respect they deserve. Soon we will be in their shoes. It may seem far away, but the reality is that it is just around the corner.
I’ve read with interest about being Asian and older. I am both…a 60 yo Asian, and have been visiting the baths in my city for the past 3 years (I am also married/bi-/in the closet). I am aware as an “older” Asian guy, who is not in the greatest of shape… that being said, I have am not sure of the race issue, but a matter of preference to body shape/age and maybe age. Personally, I do not necessarily “prefer” a GWM… I have made it with my share of men, and would actually like to be with more Asians (there are never has many as I would desire). Most of the time, I appear not be their “type”.
However, sometimes I misinterpret the signal…a few weeks ago, I had just arrived at a bath house, and was sitting in the spa, relaxing. A younger (30ish) nice looking Asian guy swished the water with his foot a couple of times and sat on the bench. He sat on the bench for a while and then left. It later occurred to me that I was being cruised…and I could have had a good time. I tried looking for him later, but could not find him. Alas…my loss. I just wasn’t uses to being cruised by an Asian I guess…what could have been.
I am now in my mid-60s, so can relate to a lot of what you have written.
As part of the “Stonewall Generation” I can recall all to well how the standards were back then regarding sexual orientation and the fear of discovery with loss of family, job and social standing. To make matters worse, I was a US Army officer often in jobs that required very high security clearances. I seriously would have considered suicide if my “secret” came out at that time.
After retiring from active duty, I loosened up a bit and started going to the baths, etc. Before gambling came to Atlantic City, the New York Avenue area was the heart of the gay community, with bars, clubs, cafes and even a gay bath house. It was there that I first bottomed!
As I got older, I started inviting other mature men to my house for fun and for more than 15 years now I have hosted monthly M2M parties on a Saturday afternoon. A few years ago I added a portable sling. We get up to 40 men here, all ages, but mostly a mature group–late 30s on up. But we do get the occasional 20-something who enjoys older men, which brings me to my visits back to Europe.
I belong to one social network site that provides the ability to connect mature men with younger men. I developed several contacts in Europe and in Germany (where I had served 3 years while on active duty.) Returning to southern Germany one year I met and enjoyed the company of a 20-something. On leaving my hotel room on a Saturday afternoon for work, he advised me to go to a gay sauna for a good time the rest of the day. I was hesitant as I am what you would consider to be a “Daddy Bear.” (I have a very hairy body and chubby–not obese.) I told him I did not think I would get much attention due to my physical condition, age and the time of day it was. He responded with a smile, “No you are wrong. I think the boys will like you very much.” So I went and he was right! I had a great time and got my share (and then some) of action. My friend told me later that younger men liked older men (at least in So. Germany) because they were not in a hurry for sex and knew lots of ways to make younger guys happy when having sex. I think that is true and it is unfortunate the US culture is so obsessed with youth. I also know it is true from the reactions of the younger guys at my parties here in NJ.
Hi Eddie. I’m married 50+ yrs to a lovely, caring lady who willingly shares an open lifestyle most of those years. Our path did not knowingly encounter a gay or Bi-curious male all those active years – not by our choice. ‘The few who were involved’ intentionally kept that side of their lives very private.
I was astonished when I was first approached a few yrs ago by a late 20-something, very mature gentleman of color who began associating with our circle of kinky friends. He quietly volunteered, “I’d like the honor of your company (me) in private some day.” He made it clear he admired my bride and I and was sexually drawn to my wife … and ME as significant, respectable elder partners he could trust to help with his personal desires for private companionship.
We were shocked beyond my imagination as we began to learn of his wishes, accepting his invitation … with understandable reservations. For 3 years he and I have shared ever expanding adventures, with the first discussion of sharing a local metro spa only a month ago. I feel fortunate to have stumbled upon this blog acknowledging more of the gay culture and the hopeful acceptance of this new community to our New Horizons.
Thank you Eddie, and the host of this blog, for helping us/Me relieve some of my hesitation over feeling I might be the Old Fart; the outsider imposing on their fun; a spectacle. I’m looking forward to this new meeting place … with new friendships.
Nothing wrong with having an oldie poking his cock in my hole – but can’t stand it when they want to kiss or be otherwise intimate. They are good for a fast doggie style thing in the corner of the back room. And they must be top.
But that said, still prefer old white man’s cum in my arsehole than to have black, oriental or south asian semen in my cunt. Race before age, always.
Being in my 60’s I really appreciated your comments. I’m gay but have been married for 40 years and have two grandchildren. I know I’m gay not bisexual and decided to live out the reality of the fact only this year. Today will be only my third visit to sauna and looking forward to it. I try to project self confidence and I like 30/40 year old guys. Keep up your observations which are most helpful
Good conversation on this blog, particularly those who bypass the generalizations and share their actual experiences. As a 63 yr old white guy I’d appreciate a little slack on the “old and ugly” generalizations. Feelings about a person’s age are relative to one’s own age. I don’t see myself as “old” but I’m also clear that “young” left the station awhile back. “Ugly” however, can be any age and we’ve all seen it. Overweight, slovenly, poor hygiene, smoking, bad diet, bad or downer attitude, poor command of your native tongue, unattractive/excessive piercings, and home-made tattoos – to name a few characteristics of ugliness. We older guys do put on a few extra pounds and various body parts slip or loose their initial shape, etc – despite reasonable attempts to counteract or minimize. But none of this changes my core being, outlook on life, ability to love and libido.
I do like asian men, particularly those with a bit of life experience. Better conversation and usually far sexier and wild in bed (or shower or wherever). I’ve also had great experiences with latin men (who have seemed to cornered the market on big dicks), Native Americans and black men. I really enjoy the differences in cultures each brings to the time together. And by the same token, I don’t find myself attracted to other white guys, due to the cultural similarities we share.
I’ll be honest in admitting watching (videos, etc) of a cute young asian guy, on his back with legs spread, getting his ass pounded is a big turn-on; as is watching an asian guy doing the pounding – particularly if everyone looks like they are genuinely enjoying themselves.
Being in a committed relationship for the past 20 years, I don’t really know how I’d fare if I was back out on the streets, looking for love, in perhaps all the wrong places. But I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get too worked up about the rejection, ’cause experience has shown that an accepting guy is often just around this corner or the next.
I am confused with this 60 y/o GWM and 18 y/o GAM types of BS. I am 40, and I see a brutal hostility with GAM (especially the younger ones) towards me for my “looks” and “age” (usually too young) – So I have a very hard time leveling with this concept.
I have noticed that my age, being in the middle (not too old), and even more importantly, the fact I look LESS than 40, to be a death nail in my attraction to Asian men.
I am often rejected, sometimes blatantly and / or forcefully by young GAM, usually those 35 and under, only to later find that same “rejecter” going with a man older than me.
However, and to my relief, I seem to get along with GAM around my age or older. I am currently dating a Vietnamese / Chinese guy around my age.
I am completely and utterly appalled by the 1/2 to 1/3 age ratio between the Asian / White man scene. To me, it’s both disgusting and wrong.
My b/f has friends of his that not only date people half (or even a THIRD) their age, and none of them are older than 30.
I met one of them, from Taiwan, and he was 21 and his b/f was 62. He would NOT even shake my hand, and made comments that I was “weird” because my b/f was NOT younger than me … That stuff, I am sorry for the “frankness” has down right gotta stop.
I actually got into a rather fierce argument with this Taiwan guy (originally from making such comments about me and my b/f) and he told me he thought he was “ugly” and “that was all he was gonna get” … When I told him how “beautiful” he was (at least from my vantage point), he only got more insulted, as if he did not wanna hear it. Eventually, I gave up, told him to screw himself, and my b/f and I left. My b/f does not even speak to him anymore.
NO, I do NOT feel bad at all. He had the low self-esteem, he got an “old man” who (probably) takes HOURS to even get hard … And he had the nerve to tell me I am not “good looking” WHILE I was looking at his white b/f who looked like he was stright out of a nursing home. He was about 300 pounds and bald.
But, I took a deep breath, let it go, and said one thing: “It’s all relative”.
Look at “storm chasers” … Everybody runs AWAY from the storm, but storm chasers run TOWARDS the “danger” zone – Is this the same concept of “potato queens” … I and MOST others run away from old (ugly) diabetic and / or sick men … But the Asians (with low self esteem) run TOWARDS them because they only THINK those are the ones that like them?
Get this: I was slapped ONCE in my life by someone I was interested in. The “trigger” for getting slapped was the comment: “Lighten up, you are a LOT better looking than you think you are”! … And SLAP!
He was Asian ;-(
Take a look at yourselves in the mirror. You guys (GAM) are a very BEAUTIFUL race of people. I don’t care what you think or what any others think … To me, you are a good-looking race. And I love the culture too. I attend a lot of Buddhist events with my b/f, and enjoy the food and music.
If I like it, I am sure others do too … And I am as “white” as they get.
Stop cutting yourselves down, and stop thinking ONLY people over 60 would “like” you, because that’s just BS. Hold your heads up high, and smile … Makes the slanted eyes look really “attractive” when you smile.
Hi, I LOVE your site. I’m what you would characterize as your typical white Asian lover: early sixties, German/Swedish ancestry (i.e., blond, blue eyes, with fair, naturally smooth skin). I have loved Asians since the first day I saw our Japanese foreign exchange student naked in the gym showers when I was 15. God. What beautiful skin color, perfectly smooth and relatively muscular with a killer smile. I jacked off for months dreaming of him. And nothing has changed since. I prefer slender smooth men but even a chubby smooth Asian gets me hard at the baths. My only stereotypical take on Asians in general is that many are shy and will avoid getting it on in public which I feel is very erotic, especially for those who get to watch. Other than that, I LOVE that baby smooth skin and those generally medium sized cocks. I’m sorry you’ve been shunned. From my personal perspective it is more sexual preference than racial, but I’ve never been on the receiving end of discrimination as you clearly have. In any event, like you, I love the tubs and since I live in a southwest town where the nearest bathhouse is 2 hours away, I envy anyone who lives close to one. I’m visiting San Diego for a while and can highly recommend Vulcan Steam and Sauna. Very clean, a friendly staff with a nice diverse crowd, always including some very desirable Asians.
Why so many Asian young guys let themselves be involved (even sexually) with old guys?? To some just the fact that the oldie is white, no matter what physical condition he is in, is good enough. That says plenty about those Asians’ taste and self esteem.
I just found your website (again, after 2-3 years), and found your discussion of race relations a bit on the negative side. I’m a mature gwm who has been interested in Asian men from about 20 (NOT just in my “old age”), so I was quite disappointed when you suggest that we develop that interest out of desperation. Since I became sexually active, I have had almost no interest in Caucasians. I know quite a few gay Asians that are anything but insecure about their race, except sometimes for being self-conscious about “its” size, a concern that I find quite misplaced. Maybe it’s because I prefer a sports car over a pickup truck.
I came across your web page by accident but was glad I did. Your insight to the bathhouse scene is so right on & it cleared up a few things for me personally. I bravely visited a bathhouse in Toronto last year for the first time. I had several encounters, nothing too wild since I was mostly scared & timid about the whole experience & yet wildly fascinated at the same time. I have gone back a few times since then & have met some interesting people. My biggest concern of course is STD’s since no one uses condoms when giving blowjobs. I’m ansious to visit Toronto again & although I like the club scene there, I know the bathhouse will be a must stop as well. I also want tomention that I am one of those Prime-timers who doesn’t look at all his age. Most people think I’m in my early thirties. Consequently, it is gratifying to have had sex several times with younger guys, even those in there early twenties. The sad part is when they ask my age & I honestly reply. Sometimes their facial expression belies the thoughts they’re holding back … others are surprised, but not regretting the encounter. I don’t mean to offend, but I have a fondness for Asians … always have even before I finally accepted by sexuality. All for now … Keep writing!!
I have read your stuff before – I think – because I reacted to your paranoia about the GAM/GWM thing at least 2 years ago. I don’t go looking for GAMs, as I am 61, but I stick to friendships with those I have known for at least 20 years -they are friends for life. It seems we GWMs can’t win with you! I became a rice-queen at 21 when an older Chinese guy invited me home. He was so hot, I’ll never forget that night. It conditioned me, I guess. What am I supposed to do about the fact that I have always liked black hair and soft complexion? I also happen to like Chinese characteristics of practicality and humanity and lots of other things in their national character. I am less taken by the Japanese mentality. Nothing I can do about these things – nor do I feel ashamed of my preference. Friendship with Asians has been one of the themes of my whole life and I have been enriched by my experience. So what? Equally, I realize that many GWMs don’t share my interest. I sometimes talk to one of my GWM friends who might say he recently met an Asian guy and they had a great time. Unlike me, it hasn’t changed him radically towards Asians, just that he enjoyed it. I really wish you would get over this paranoid attitude to the race thing. Your touchiness cannot possibly increase your happiness and in any case – it’s misplaced. By the way, low self-esteem is not something I associate with Asians. In fact I am always struck by their serene and subtle self-confidence. So one of us has got it badly wrong. Have fun!
Dear friend, I’ve never found anywhere such comprehensive information on gay bathhouses. Thanks and congratulations. There’s one thing, however, I don’t understand and maybe you can offer an answer: why the heck are guys cruising in a bathhouse with a towel around their wastes – why don’t they go completely nude? It’s the same here in Germany. I seem always to be the only one who takes that towel just to sit on. You don’t believe how much of additional thrill it is, to be completely nude ‘publicly’. Is the towel part of the etiquette or even a must?? By the way, I’m a ‘Prime Timer’ as you call it and a GWM – I’m only interested in other GWM about my age. Good luck to you, friend
This is one of the better informative sites of what goes on in the bathhouse. It doesn’t really give much of info of how a first timer should act or how a gay deaf male should act in the bathhouse. I found this site by mere chance because I wanted to know how to take part of life in a bathhouse as well as to get my money’s worth. So I learned a few things from this. Keep up the good work!
I spent a lot of time in the baths up until the mid 80’s. At that time I was in my 40s and in excellent shape. I never thought of myself specifically as a lover of Asian men, but after reading a significant amount of your essay on the baths… I must admit to being one and the same. Even when I was in my 20s and 30s I would actively seek out Asian men for virtually all the reasons you have given in your writings. I never thought that there was a reason for an Asian to want to be with me at the baths other than for fun and companionship. I have never fussed about age regardless of race, but am like most everybody in that I prefer younger. Thanks for a very interesting essay, it was a real treat to read.
Glad to see you are sympathetic to us older gwm guys, even though you aren’t attracted. I have been attracted to Asian guys all my life. Please don’t think that all of us are all into Asians just because we can’t get whites. I lost any interest in whites when I reached early 20s and discovered Asians. I’m attracted to you guys not just for looks, but for gentleness (don’t call this subservience!), and subtleness. I was married to an Asian woman for many years, and when she wanted a divorce, I got back to males. Still searching for a life partner, and am optimistic. Hard to find one my age, so I’m open to younger. I think older Asians are even less into internet than older whites, and certainly not into gay Asian/white social clubs. Thanks for your site.
I enjoyed reading your essays, and to tell you the truth I have friends who have fallen for older guys just because it was their idea of perfection. I’m a 32 years old Latino and I prefer to date Asians over other races. I have been accused of being a rice queen, but I still enjoy the company and conversation with the Asians I’ve met. I enjoy reading your stories and my curiosity has peaked so much that I would like to ask you for recommendations on bathhouses here in NY. Any tips you can give will also will be appreciated. Is there a bathhouse for people who like Asians like myself in NY?. Thanks for the stories, they are good.
G’day – I found your site quite by accident but was immediately interested – as I had thought of recording my own baths experiences starting in Albuquerque 20 years ago!- thinking no one else had. (I’ve written some but never had the guts to show them to anyone.) Sadly, I live in a city with no bathhouse and only a once-a-month gay bar! Your openness, frankness and apparent honesty are a real breath of fresh air. I wasn’t interested in your ethnic origins when I started but I’ve found reading about that interesting, too. (I’m 55 and my closest friend is of Indian origin and somewhat younger, but unfortunately he lives in another country.) I’ve got to your 5th story tonight and will have to go but I’ll return to read more. Thank you for taking the trouble to write all this down. I’m so pleased I stumbled across your essays. Greg
I like mature men with facial hair.I don’t why. Most GWM I like are not interested in Asian. Now i am alone and still searching.
I’m that rare? I have been interested only in Asians since I was 28. I’m not bad looking and grew up in the LA area. My only regret was I didn’t start seeing Asians earlier. Living in Honolulu you would expect I was in Heaven. Well not true.
I don’t like the bars or clubs and the beaches and full of the LA types I tried to leave behind. If you do meet a nice Asian guy, he is a tourist and I don’t like to just have sex with someone and say goodbye. I have not had a relationship jere and I’m not sexually active with anyone I have not been successful in finding ant Asians here who seem to be interested in Old White Men. Plus Young men here that are not that good looking seem to meet Asians. And I am lost.
I do agree about the young Asian guys seen with Older men. But I think that may be the case in the USA. Because of the money. As you describe yourself. I would have been eyeing you the minute I would have seen you. Had I visited your bathhouse. Doubt you will read this but I’m continuing to read your stories at the moment. My friends are surprised when I told them I never visited a bathhouse before. So I am reading your stories to inform me out of curiosity.
Fascinating. I’m new to the whole thing. I went to my first bath a year ago — divorced late-bloomer here. I’m learning to handle rejection better — out of necessity — and not take it personally. I sure wish you would share where your “friendly” gay bath is and also let me know where there is one in Philadelphia, PA and what you thought of it.
I sure wish I could meet “friends” who would talk with me about these issues. There’s nothing wrong with friendship. Not every encounter has to be laced with overt sex.
Thanks for your courage and candor. You certainly have me thinking in different directions. Great work.
Just read your entry, “Rejection”. Laughed when u mentioned about old white men chasing young orientals.
I’m Eurasian (Irish-Chinese). When young, I preferred white older men; got tired of them. Guess that was my insecurity. When my roommate told me I could do better, I switched to my age bracket. Later, had taste of Asians and have liked them, as well as other gay/str8/bi guys of color. (Seems I prefer having sex with bi’s or str8 because much of that “faggy” stuff is out. However, I’ve found that these type of guys only want one thing from u and nothing more. So, that’s where the gay men step in. C’est la vie!
From the first three entries I’ve read, u r 30ish Chinese man, probably an office worker, prefers Caucasian men, possible lives in San Francisco. (Gay Asians strolling thru the Castro in the 70s & 80s were uncommon. That changed in the 90s. Wish I were there now. Hmmm, hmmm.)
Incidentally, no, I do not force any type of sex act with my partner(s). Simply because I wouldn’t want to face it myself.
Have had only one lover in late 70s. (We’re good friends now; he lives in Honolulu, too.) Yep, age creeps upon u when u least suspect. (I look about 10 years younger.) You seem to display lots of resentment toward older white men. Do u feel they “wasted” your time, when u could have had what u really wanted, not to mention your youth wasting away.
Well, mysterious Bathhouse Blues author, hope to hear from you. I, too, write occasionally. Plan to draft some on portions of my life.
Take care and p-l-a-y s-a-f-e ! ! !
Thank you so much for doing this writing! I am an older man, 56, still trying to decide on how gay I want to be. Like will I have the courage to divorce and move on…..I have gone to bathhouses twice and been totally bummed out. I am a chub. Though now I am down from near four hundred to 260, I do not think anyone would even look at me. You have taught me otherwise. Thank you! You are one hell of a guy! I salute you and thank you. Ironically enough I am going to meet a man at the Steamworks in Berkeley today! I am nervous again. But you really are a big help. Take good care. Please write! ps I love Asian men!