The Politics of Oral Sex
Oral sex is the most common sex act at the baths; you can see it everywhere. There is a significant amount of oral sex taking place in the whirlpool, shower area, and lounge. It is so commonplace that it seems to be a prerequisite to be a gay man—that you must participate in oral sex.
When people think of oral sex, most envision this personal, intimate bonding experience between two people who genuinely care for each other. You have the opportunity to fully give yourself to another person. However, gay men need to break free from the heterosexual mindset. Oral sex is not sacred in the gay community. Kissing is the equivalent of displaying intimate contact between two men. You can get a blow job anywhere. Guys want to save real, physical, and close contact, such as kissing, for a future boyfriend. Many men have told me they do not even kiss guys they may encounter at the baths. Oral sex? No problem. Anal? Pass the lube. But kissing? NO WAY! You would expect the situation to be reversed.
For instance, I’ve seen this one Caucasian guy at the baths for the past few years. I’ve spoken to him several times; he is gay, amiable, and cute! However, the sole activity he enjoys at the baths is performing blowjobs, and he has no other interests. He avoids kissing, hugging, and anal contact. He focuses solely on delivering oral sex to one individual after another. I think his record is fifty blowjobs in one night. He doesn’t discriminate between races, ages, or the person’s weight. I’ve seen him go from Black to White, fat to thin, old to young—just a variety of men. He only cares about the cock’s size. I guess that’s one reason I’ve never seen him suck an Asian cock.
On a regular basis, I’ve seen this other young, white guy at the baths. My opinion is that he identifies as straight but suppresses his desire for men. Whenever these cravings become overwhelming, he drops by the baths. I’ve seen him multiple times, at all hours of the day. All he does is give blowjobs every chance he gets. Once, I watched him become so engrossed in the act of sucking cock that he would slurp it as if it were his last meal, refusing to stop. The man receiving the blowjob appeared to feel ensnared, with no alternative but to remain seated, persist in watching the pornographic film, and relish the sensation.
Gay men aren’t the only ones who enjoy getting their cock sucked off. You can find many straight guys prowling the gay baths seeking a blowjob. They have wives, girlfriends, or even fiancées who don’t like to perform oral sex on their significant other. Many women find it gross. So what should a man do if he is not getting it at home? They go to the baths. Many straight men don’t consider oral sex adultery or even sex. They see it as a way to get off. Here’s a method for identifying a straight man in the gay baths who wants a blow job: The man would be fully clothed, the zipper undone, with his cock hanging out. It gives a new meaning to the phrase “Well Hung!”
I remember one guy whose sole purpose for going to the gay baths was to get oral sex. Every week, he consistently showed up at the baths on the same day and time. He would situate himself in the porn room and start stroking himself. Then a succession of over twenty guys would suck him for over three hours! During that time, he would never say anything. Some blowjobs lasted a minute; others could go on longer. After three hours, he would shower, get dressed, and leave. Men waited for him in the porn room because of his popularity and consistency. At least 70% of those guys were Asian!
There are also places known as “glory holes.” Men insert their penis through an opening, then wait for a passerby to suck them off. On one side, the person receiving doesn’t know who is doing the sucking. The person on the other side is unaware of whose cock it is. All the guy sees is a cock hanging out of a hole, so he goes for it. This is a place where sex is truly anonymous! There is even a “slurp ramp”! That’s where men stand next to each other, all in a row, sticking their dicks through a hole. On the other side, men can suck off the cocks one after the other.
Therefore, if you’re a guy who loves to give, there’s no shortage of cocks to suck. However, based on what I have seen at the baths, guys are more inclined to receive than to give. You’ll notice that every example I write about involves guys who prefer to receive rather than give. Oral sex, in my opinion, primarily revolves around a power dynamic (a cock staring you in the face). Instead of allowing things to unfold naturally, the other person dictates the course of action. Many gay Asians, often perceived as passive participants, are particularly susceptible to this phenomenon.
After decades of going to the baths, I still see gay Asian men giving heads to anyone and everyone in record numbers. It is a never-ending cycle. I seldom observe a gay Asian man at the baths decline to engage in oral sex with an individual, no matter the age, even 70. It’s no surprise that many older gay men find Asians attractive! However, in reality, it is a self-esteem issue, as many gay Asian men lack self-confidence. As a result, gay Asians seek validation from gay white men, who are considered the standard in the gay community. Therefore, in order to validate themselves, one must engage with as many gay white men as possible. But I also genuinely believe many white guys at the baths view Asians as the ultimate “backup.” During their stay at the baths, they hunt for good-looking prey. However, if they are unsuccessful in finding anyone, they turn their attention to the desperate Asian man who is waiting in the wings.
It disturbs me that gay men only see us Asians as a way to serve them, like some concubines freely giving out blowjobs. After receiving oral pleasure from an Asian, these gay white men depart. They do not express gratitude, acknowledgment, or even a nod. Once they are satisfied, these gay white men wrap their towel around their midsection and depart to seek out other men. Those Asians would be on their knees, still in position, with their mouths open, getting nothing. Unless the Asian in question genuinely enjoys giving blowjobs, the only satisfaction these Asian men experience is a fleeting sense of fulfillment when they blow a White man. But it is a vicious cycle for these Asians. After blowing a Caucasian man, many of them feel used. However, five minutes later, they are already looking for another white man to blow. They do this in order to continue receiving the validation they desire.
Despite the risks of HPV (oral cancer) and other STIs associated with oral sucking, no one is using a condom. Gay guys won’t suck cock while wearing a condom. That will not happen. What if you’re one of the rare guys who uses condoms for oral sex? It depends on the person and how things are progressing. You can say immediately, “I do not engage in oral sex without a condom.” Most of the time, you will have guys who become incredulous and leave without saying a word.
Surprisingly, you might find the odd guy who will put the condom on. If he likes you, he’ll do anything you ask. However, this is a rare occurrence. However, there are some instances where a man expresses no interest in oral sex, and other circumstances arise. Alternatively, he engages in giving oral sex without seeking reciprocation. Of course, there are instances where things escalate quickly without any established ground rules. Suddenly, you find yourself staring at an erect penis right in your face. That is when you would say, “I just brushed my teeth” or “I just came from the dentist.” If the guy leaves, he leaves. If you take anything away from this essay, make sure it’s this one. Vaccinate against HPV to lower your risk of developing oral cancer. Speak with your family doctor about the vaccination process.
While I have just written about the politics and etiquette around oral sex, there is one topic I have not covered. I have not addressed the topic of ejaculating into a man’s mouth. It would be best to always ask BEFOREHAND. It is unacceptable to squirt into a guy’s mouth without asking. Most guys consistently inquire whether they can ejaculate in the mouth or not. At the very least, they would give a warning, indicating that they were close. Cumming in someone’s mouth without asking or warning is just unacceptable manners.
So, after writing about the politics of oral sex, I hope I’ve clarified things for anyone new to the ins and outs of blowjobs. Just because every gay man performs oral sex doesn’t mean you should. It isn’t for everyone. Don’t feel pressured to do it for one minute. Remember what I always say: Don’t do anything you are uncomfortable doing. Only you and no one else can know what’s best for you.
I agree totally with Eats. A mindset of “I’m going to use your body to have a good time – you have a good time with mine.” This is particularly so for casual relationships that usually occur in places such as bath houses. If someone has low esteem it surely can’t be from wanting to enjoy m2m sex, particularly sucking cock which is the ultimate for me. Nothing can be more natural and rewarding in m2m sex than sucking cock..
This is a great website
oral sex is best sex forever….
As an older GAM, 66 yo, somewhat on the heavier side, and a versatile-top, I have been to bathhouses and find that my mileage varies from getting vs. receiving oral. Kinda’ depends on whether you are passive or aggressive, If I’m in a room waiting for someone to cruise by, it’s hit & miss (mostly miss). If I am cruising the hallways/sauna/steam room/jacuzzi/dark room, I can pick my guy and see (though rejection sometimes hurts…perhaps unreal expectation/fantasy).
I have become a bit bolder in my older age…sometimes finding more success. I have had many lost opportunities with some men, who I think wanted to hook up, but I did not recognize the signs. For example, I was in the hot tub with 2 other men…neither was very interested in me…but a 30-something Asian came to the tub, did not enter, but kneeled down and splashed water on himself, looked at us, paused, then sat down for a minute outside of the tub. I had just arrived, so wasn’t sure about hooking up right away. I should have gotten out of the tub to see if there was more interest.
I’m one of those straight guys who basically just likes to get blowjobs. I go to a bathhouse like once a month. I’m never pushy, I usually just sit in the porn lounge or the sauna partially exposed and some guy checks me out touches my thigh a little and then I subtly suggest its ok for him to touch my pretty sizeable penis, and then I oftentimes get a blowjob. Usually they are really good, sometimes they aren’t(seriously guys beards are ok clean shaven is best stubble is just terrible) sometimes its too completion and sometimes its just for a few minutes, and/or they end it with a handjob. Oftentimes the guy will walk away after that. I’ve had a few conversations with guys at the bathouses, usually before “The act” but not a lot. Guys are generally kind of quiet in there like a very kinky library. I don’t really get turned on by other mens bodies but it feels good to be nude and comfortable in your own skin as a man and just honest about what you want. It’s sort of surprising to me that a lot of gay men enjoy giving head for its own sake with absolutely nothing in return, but hey I’m enjoying it. I certainly don’t see Asian men as a “backup”. I can recognize asthetic beauty in men and find that Asian men are among the most attractive looking, to me anyway. Occasionally I will stroke another mans penis while we sit together and I have given a blowjob twice, sort of out of a sense of obligation and to try it. I did not find it enjoyable it felt kinda gross and like an ordeal but at the same time not terrible. The last one I gave was seemingly pretty good for him, I know what I like in a blowjob so I just tried to do that, his was kinda small too which made it easy. I felt sorta bad though about trying to talk my totally naïve and petite girlfriend into blowing me back in highschool. It seemed to me that sucking a dick is an ordeal that is not for the weak of heart. Still…I was a really good boyfriend, lol that’s a whole nother conversation.
Good sex happens when each party goes into it with the mindset that says, “I’m going to use your body to have a good time – you have a good time with mine.” When giving head don’t do it to service the other guy; do it to have fun and enjoy it. Use all your senses. His crotch is putting out pheromone, which hits my brain like a drug, and his pre-cum is leaking oxytocin – the bonding hormone. I feel his pulsing dick in my throat, I taste it, and I smell it and it gets me high as a kite. I’m not servicing him. I’m servicing ME. I don’t do it out of low self-esteem. I do it because I love it and that’s what I want. And when I’m really good and high, maybe I’ll let some other hungry dude take mine – but not until I’ve had enough dick and I’m flying high.
Having self esteem is what makes someone attractive.
I, too, found it incredibly difficult to kiss a man the first time, even after having sucked several cocks. I love to kiss because of its intimacy and the closeness that is more personal than having a cock in my mouth.
I have a question I didn’t see addressed on your site. I’ve only been to a bathhouse a couple of times and am pretty inexperienced. I don’t get a private room. My question is, “When and where is it okay to cum?” A guy stroking me can really get me off. You talk about quickies in the shower. Do guys actually shoot in the showers? The porn room, the hot tub or how about the sauna? Is it acceptable to just shoot on the floor or is that bad etiquette? Part of my dilemma was I wanted to cum so bad but didn’t know where exactly I could or should. Is this a stupid question? Let me know. I never saw any other guys shooting loads that weren’t off in private rooms or out of sight somewhere. I ended up leaving without getting off for this reason. It was frustrating. Where is it acceptable?
I have cum (and taken cum) in many ways and many areas. If I am about to cum, I will always warn the other guy, I am going to shoot my load. That way, he can decide how he takes my load (either in my mouth; on his body or the floor)…whether he spits it out after or swallows is also on him. The bathhouse I go to is pretty good about cleaning the floors/walls (especially in the common areas, like the GH) every hour or so.
The staff does not like it if you do a lot of stuff in the tub/pool area. It’s hard to clean & sanitize.
I have also cum in the steam/dry saunas, but those can be wiped off rather easily. I have used my towel and just exchange it for another one afterwards.
Have enjoyed much fun at bathhouses, where I had my first oral sex with another male , both giving and receiving
What I am not sure about is the self-esteem issue at work here. I mean are you saying that any guy who wants to give head is suffering from low self-esteem?
I doubt that in my case it applies, but I am willing to consider the issue from any angle. My enjoyment in sex is in the pleasing of the other person. I have a buddy who is str8 and he lets me do him whenever we get together. He says he likes the way I do it. That it feels so hot. And I get to have this guy in a way that is intimate for me and very gratifying.
He sounds like an ageist Asian GEEK to me. The only thing he does is get his dick sucked? NO THANK YOU.He also sounds like he’s been around the block too many times, for health reason I would advise all to be wary when around this freak.The guy doesn’t suck dick, and has spent $26,000 on going to the baths, and he doesn’t score 95% of the time. Sounds great
Explain how to suck a dick with out gagging from the length, help,
You need to present your stories better, They’re hard to read and your introduction is so generic. Quite boring. Organize the paragraphs better.
I need some one to be with. Your stories are great and I do the same thing u do! Who gives a damn about STD’s! I will still blow and bite! I got to 9 inch and I am looking your way. ttyl, Kylew
I just read your comments on not sucking dick…. It reminds me of when I was going to the baths. Most of the men I met were selfish… they just wanted to get off and cruise on. I think that’s why people go to the baths. They want no-strings attached pleasure, and they can find it there!
I admire your honesty. I also liked reading about the dick sucking which goes on in the bath houses. I haven’t sucked a dick in the longest time for some of the same reasons you haven’t, but I still long for an 18-25 year old dick in between my lips shooting his load down my throat.
Enjoy some of your letters. I am bi and never give head to a man for male and health reasons. But I understand your earlier feelings of need of reciprocation. I go occasionally to saunas in Hong Kong and normally I am “attacked” by some hungry mouths and sometimes I let it go and my (darkroom) blower disappears into the darkness. I feel guilty as I always like to reciprocate, but then I am somehow shy and not good at that.
I have read a few of your stories and enjoy them. You are a good writer. I read “The Politics of Gay Oral Sex.” I have to disagree with your statement, “No one could only do oral in their individual sexual practices; it might have been a combination of things.”
I got HIV from sucking. Oral was my only risk factor. If you care to know the details, visit my web page. Again, I congratulate you on one of the more interesting websites I have seen on on the web. I look forward to reading some more.