Racism Or Preference?
(At The Baths)
(Continued from page 2)
As a GAM you may be reading this whole essay and saying to yourself, Get out of here! But think about it. How come you never get noticed at a bar, supermarket, or bookstore in the gay community by any white guy? Why is it that at the baths, when we Asians enter the whirlpool, sauna, or porn lounge, the white patrons immediately get up and leave. And why is it in any orgy activity scene you may encounter, if you approach any of the white guys going at it, you are pushed away. Sometimes gently, other times forcefully. And do you ever wonder why at the gym all of the white guys are friendly to one another, but never talk to us Asians. This despite the fact everyone's Gaydar is working at 100% capacity. That is because Gay Asians are invisible and undesirable to the gay white community, not intentionally but very sub-conscientiously.
Being rejected by so many gay men, this can harden you and make you angry and bitter. Or you can say, we do not accept that! We do not have to be at the mercy of so many of these adolescent, GWM. We as GAM need to get out of this stereotype of desperately chasing after GWM and have more self-respect for ourselves. There are iron doors that have been in place for hundreds of years, but there are so many new kinds of doors that are flying open. By that, I mean we need to open up our minds to other cultures and races. Why settle for White. What is wrong with a fellow Asian, or a Black or Hispanic guy. If we just restrict ourselves to GWM, we as GAM will continue to perpetuate a stereotype and our self-esteem will take a beating.
But that is easier said than done. GAM who loves Asians/Blacks/Latinos or vice-versa is even rarer. In fact, as I have mentioned earlier, all of those races are chasing after the same thing - a white guy.
My hope for this essay and others I've written (see links below) is to hopefully change some people's minds. I'm not for one second suggesting that white guys should be with Asians, just because it is politically correct. Nor am I saying that Asians shouldn't date older white men. . If you are a GAM that is truly attracted to an older man, I say more power to you. What I am saying in the simplest terms is that Asians are seen as undesirable in the gay community, particularly by GWM. PERIOD. And with the gay population as 90% white, we as Asians don't stand a chance of breaking into that circle. The sooner, we as gay Asians accept that, the happier we will be.
But how can we as Asians be happy knowing that we are undesirable and invisible in the gay community? It is not easy. First we have to accept ourselves as a good person, no matter how many white guys reject us. By being rejected so many times, our self-esteem takes a beating, and you wonder what's wrong with you. I'm here to say, nothing is wrong with you. You are a great person and you are wonderful. So don't feel depressed or bad about yourself, just because the latest white boy has rejected you. It has nothing to do with you. You have done nothing wrong. The only problem is that you are not white.
Being with a white guy is not everything. Have friends, hobbies, focus on your career and try to get sex when you can. In terms of a relationship here is my mantra. If it is meant to be it will come to me. Have a good and full life without a relationship. Just be patient and Mr. Right (regardless of age or race) will come when you least expect. And remember that there is nothing wrong with you, even though you have been rejected for the 1,00000 time, by any guy of any race.
Hopefully, after reading this essay, a few minds will change. That is all I wanted to do. I myself plan on being comfortable alone and wait for a guy, regardless of race. It is really my hope that other GAM read this and looks beyond the race, and fall for the person. Not the skin color.
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You might also like:
Whites Preferred
Gay White Men defending their right to sleep with their own race.
Body Vs. Race
How a visible minority with a great body, can still luck out at the baths.
GWM & GAM Speak Out!
Readers respond with their own opinions about racism in the gay community
Rice Queens
How Gay Asians interact with one another, especially in a bathhouse.
The Truth About Gay Asians
Article on the lack of interest that white men have in Asian men, and of how even Asian men shun each other
Boiling Rice
Essay about Gay Asians confronting widespread prejudice in the nightclub scene.
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