The Politics of Oral Sex
(Continued from page 1)
And he is not the only one. There is this other young, white guy I've seen on a regular basis at the baths. My take on him is that he identifies himself as straight, but is in denial about his sexuality. I would suspect that almost daily he has these urges to connect with other gay men. Whenever these urges become too great, he just drops by the baths. I've seen him at all hours of the day; after work, before Sunday dinner, on a Saturday afternoon, and so on. And all he does is gives blowjobs any chance he gets. One time I noticed him naked, on his knees, giving another guy a blowjob in the porno lounge. He blew that guy for at least a half an hour! The guy receiving the blowjob was sort of trapped, as the other guy (the deeply closeted giver) was so in to it, he refused to stop. He was truly sucking that dick like it was his last meal. The guy receiving had little choice but to sit there, continue watching the porno flick, and enjoy the blowjob.
Then there are men at the baths who just like to receive. Little known fact; you can find many straight guys at the baths. Simply because they want a blowjob. There are wives, girlfriends, or even fiancées who don't like giving their significant other a blowjob. Many women find it gross. What is a man suppose to do if he is not getting blown at home? By going to the baths. A lot of straight men don't consider oral sex adultery or even sex. They just see it as getting off. How can you tell a straight man at the baths? If he is wearing all his clothes but his zipper is open and his dick hanging out of his pants, fully exposed. The message is very clear; he just want to get blown. Gives a new meaning to the phrase "Well Hung!? "
I remember one guy who only liked to get blown (he must have been straight). Every week, on the same day at the same time, he would arrive at the baths. He would plunk himself in the porn room, stroke himself, and in the next three hours over twenty guys would suck him! During that time, he would never say anything. Some blowjobs lasted a minute; others could go on for five minutes. After three hours he would shower and leave. He proved so popular and consistent that guys used to be waiting for him by the porn room. And at least 70% of those guys were Asian!
And then there are the glory holes, where a guy sticks his dick through a hole waiting for whomever is passing by to suck him off. You don’t know who is doing the sucking, and the person sucking doing know whom he is sucking; you just see the dick hanging out of a hole and go for it. This is where anonymous sex is truly anonymous!
But after eight years of seeing all of this oral action at the baths, I started to get tired of this type of "celibacy " I had been through therapy, the medication was working (for my irrational thinking) and I was getting more comfortable with being a gay man. The fact that I wanted to suck without a condom, felt like I was entering gay male adulthood. (I know that sounds stupid, but hey, it's my life). With so many men and women performing oral sex and not getting infected, why shouldn't I give it another shot? After all it is a low risk.
So after eight years I decided to suck dick, without protection. I didn't plan it, it just happened in the moment. And it felt like the most natural thing that is suppose to happen between two men who are physically attracted to each other. Two men, intertwined together making love. And it was wonderful. After eight years, I can understand why men like to suck pure skin. It tastes yummy! And sucking a condom just isn't the same.
However a few months later, I got a surprise. I found out that the first guy I blew after an eight-year absence from oral (because I was afraid of contracting something) was HIV positive! Isn't that so ironic? But you know what? I wasn't even worried or upset. My calmness about this discovery indicates to me that I'm getting more and more comfortable in my skin as a gay man. I did ask my AIDS counselor if many couples (one negative, one positive) perform oral without protection. He said many do, but they only suck. No ejaculation in the mouth.
To me, what oral sex really boils down to is an issue of power. I truly believe that a lot of white guys at the baths look at Asians as the ultimate 'back-up? During their stay at the baths, they hunt for good-looking prey. When that hunt fail to find anyone, they go to the next best thing; the desperate Asian guy waiting in the wings. It really disturbs me that gay men only see us Asians as a way to service them, like some concubine. I remembered previous encounters eight years ago, when I freely gave out blowjobs. After the guy would be pleasured he would leave. I will be there on my knees; still in position, with my mouth open wondering, "What was that " "Was that worth it? " He got his pleasure and satisfaction, when is my turn? I certainly do not get any sexual pleasure out of only blowing someone for five minutes. Once a guy came into my room and asked if I like to give blowjobs. My reply was that I like to give and receive. And with that he turned on his heels and left my room.
Everything I have just written about is basically the politics and etiquette around oral sex. But there is one topic I haven't covered, when to cum in a guy's mouth. You should always ask BEFOREHAND. It is bad manners to just cum in a guy's mouth, without even asking. One time, when I was just getting back into oral, a guy came in my mouth. I was shocked, then pissed off. Before that, anytime I was with a guy, they would always have the decency to ask whether they could cum in my mouth or not. Or they would at least give me a warning that he was going to cum, moaning and grounding saying he was close. But this guy, nope he just came. Even after I withdrew my mouth he was right there still in position, jacking off getting every bit of juice out of him. Afterwards he thanked me so sweetly. That was the first time I ever felt like punching someone out! The proper etiquette was that he should have asked, or even warned me.
So after writing about all of the politics about oral sex, I hope I've made things more clearly for anyone who is new to the ins and outs of oral. I'm much more comfortable giving head - sort of. I won't strictly give someone a blowjob, and that's all. I don't want to have one-way sex, where I'm doing all of the work (the sucking). It has to be a two-way street. But oral isn't for everyone. Don't for one-minute feel pressured to do it, until you are ready. It is not for everyone. It took me eight years to feel comfortable doing it. It may take some others longer. Remember what I always say. Don't do anything you are uncomfortable doing. When you are ready to perform oral, you will know.
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