Body vs Race
(at the baths and at the gym)
(Continued from page 2)
The majority (not all) Rice Queens identify as bi-sexual. Their attraction to Gay Asian Men stem from their attraction to women. They want it both ways, the softness and feminine qualities of a guy, along with their masculine features. If you think of Gay Men who are attracted to a trans-person, you get the idea. Whenever I go to the bathhouse for Asian men, I cannot tell you how many good-looking white guys are together with a bone-thin Asian man. Which leaves hard muscular Asians or stocky, somewhat overweight Asian guys twiddling their thumbs. If this was reversed and the muscular or somewhat stocky-men were white, they would have no problems attracting a guy at the baths. But if they are Asian, they might as well stay home. Even the Rice Queens would ignore them, making it seem that Rice Queens view Asian Men as a fetish.
I recently received this letter from a 31-year-old GAM from Brooklyn. It pretty much sums up this entire essay.
I am very American, with a very American build and do get my share of good-looking men my age of all races. But I think that if I were of equal looks as a
Caucasian, I would be irresistible and have more men interested in me. I know I sound a little conceited, but I am stating something here to make a point. I am
always fearful that someone will reject me for being Asian.
I don't need them, but I want to pick a fight with them. I want to challenge their thoughts, and make them do some soul searching about why they have no desire for a hot (Asian) guy. And sometimes I want to charm them and make them want me only to have the power to leave them hanging. That is my issue.
Fact is, I know a hot guy when I see one. I have had long term relationships with white, Latino, and Asian -- the longest being with the Asian for 6 years. I have been with Black men, but not long-term relationships. But I am certainly open to having one with black men. I think that my open mindedness comes from a love for myself, and my refusal for settling for anything less.
Life is not easy for us Asian Males (both straight and gay). What we really need to do is to demand for positive and diverse depictions of Asians from all walks of life. Asian men are often depicted in the media as sexually undesirable nerds geeks and freaks. Until this stereotypical image is eradicated, I fear that we will always be viewed as sexually undesirable. It's very tiring.
So in terms of the body vs. race issue, race seems to matter far more to white guys, no matter how toned or muscular a visible minority is. In my opinion, gay men aren't really body obsessed or even look obsessed. It is a subliminal race obsession. Sigh. Why cannot gay men be more superficial and just be concerned about bodies? Kidding! But on a serious note, we are all minorities within minorities within minorities. If we cannot treat ourselves with dignity and respect, how can we expect the straight homophobic community to treat us any better.
It's a tough question, and I wish I had the answer.
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